Aug 15, 2009

In other news...

There are two people I really want to talk to right now. One of them reads this blog (at least sometimes). The other does not (or has not made it known to me).

You win a cookie if you guess who they are. (You won't know if you get them right, but all I said was "guess," right?)

I feel weird and stir crazy and (almost) sad and bored and anxious and everything. I'm jonesin' for a hug.
At about 3am, I realized that all breakups are different from each other. It hit me like a train: not all breakups are caused by fights or people not caring about each other anymore. Not all breakups are caused by mistakes made. Sometimes, breakups happen when two people really love each other, but are just at an awkward or transitional point in life. It doesn't mean that they can't get back together later, either. On occasion, breakups simply mean that the two involved parties need some time apart to reevaluate themselves and what drives them to stay in or get out of a relationship.

That being said, I almost went through one such breakup last night. In fact, I think for about 5 minutes of my conversation with The Boyfriend, I was single, but that was not to last. The reason I'm willing to post about this is because it's my private blog and I use it to exhale any words that can't be said out loud to most of the people I'm close to. Back to the point... We ended up talking for nearly 3 hours, trying to decide if we should stay together and try to fix the weird little things that have been eating away at us both, take a break (the details of said break would be discussed if that was the option we were to choose), or just be friends (potentially with the option of getting back together later on). Each option was seriously considered. Option #3 almost won out, but we decided not to give up without at least trying, first.

The way I saw it, why throw in the towel when, underneath the awkwardness and occasional frustrations, we had something really fantastic? We met by what he believes to be coincidence, and I believe to be an act of God (the reason behind the act is still beyond me). We get along incredibly well, and we've basically been best friends since we first met. We've never fought (not a real fight, anyway). We have our problems, yes, but so does every couple. If, after a while, we can't seem to resolve a bit of the tension that's been looming over our relationship, then we decided to talk about it again and figure out what to do, and if that means breaking up, then that's what we'll do. Right now, though, we are both just going to try to love the heck out of each other.

Sorry, by the way, for being vague about our "problems." For one, they are difficult to explain, and I also don't feel entirely comfortable posting about them because I'm afraid I'll make everything sound like The Boyfriend's fault, when we're both imperfect people who don't always know the right thing to do in certain situations. Also, sorry if I'm all rambly and don't make sense.

I guess... wish us luck/send us prayers/whatever else people do so that we can figure out how to work on things. It's not like we have huge problems that are impossible to overcome, so hopefully it will all work out for the best. We're still absolutely nuts about each other, and can't imagine life apart (meaning even if we do break up, we'll still be best friends... after a while).

I don't say this enough... or have I ever, even? Anyway, thanks for reading. ♥