My Bubbles of Nothing

I've recently become obsessed with this website called thesixtyone.com and I think YOU SHOULD BE, TOO! haha. I really love this song called "Boys with Girlfriends" by Meiko. It's soooo great... and that's the end of my little plug thingy.

Nothing really new. Just kind of getting through the days. I've cried every night so far, but maybe that will change tonight. Just maybe. The more I think about it, the more angry I get that I wasn't, in his mind, better than what I wouldn't give him (he'll never admit to it upfront, but that's what it was). Alongside the growing anger, I have a growing amount of regret. I wasn't nice enough, I didn't pay enough attention, I didn't try hard enough just to love him. On top of that, I've been getting a little sadder... just remembering all these amazing times and stuff, it hurts so much, plus all the friends that I'll eventually lose (as much as none of us believe it will happen, it will).

But through it all, I'm trying to just... let things happen and be happy where I am. It really sucks... I hate feeling like I have no control whatsoever, but that's the reality and I'm attempting to learn to live with it.

About the new "crush" or whatever you'd like to call it... let me explain that it's not like a "oh my gosh I liiiiike him soooo much" thing. It's a "hey, this guy is really neat and I would not mind dating/kissing him." He is nice, funny, cute, tall, in generally good shape, and a good Christian boy (which would be a definite advantage over the ex). I know it's not wise to compare certain boys with other boys, and I'm not going to do it much, but this is at the very least a wonderful comfort knowing that I won't get dumped for the same reason as before. (Maybe for a completely new version, but still, it's nice to think about.) Of course, "won't get dumped" would assume that I will actually date him, which may or may not happen. I suppose I'll just have to wait and see, for now.

There's still the possibility of getting back with The Boy, however I don't see that happening at this point. He's... I don't know, he doesn't seem too keen on the idea, and I'm so messed up right now that I don't think it'd be great for me, either, 'cause who knows what I might do... blech.

Anywho, I'm done blogging for today! Ta ta!

♥