My Bubbles of Nothing

Hello, world.

It's 1:30pm and I've done absolutely nothing productive today!

It would be nice if there was food in the house. Generally, I need to eat in order to get myself motivated to do other things. I hungryyyy. (I'll probably end up making some rice soon, since I think we do have that.)

The boyfriend and I had a long discussion last night regarding faith and science, evolution and creation/intelligent design. Evidently, he thought that I believed in evolution (in the sense that we came from a common ancestor that also evolved into apes, and stuff like that). I don't know WHY he though that, considering he's known since day one that I'm a Christian. He told me he finds the idea of creationism ridiculous and he thought I was "too smart" to believe in it, or something like that. His idea of someone who believes in creation is his father's girlfriend's "crazy sister" who apparently is not terribly intelligent and homeschools her children to become socially and intellectually inept. He didn't want to talk about it because he didn't "want anything to come between us." I told him that nothing like that could possibly come between us. We should be able to talk about anything. That's the whole idea of a loving, honest relationship.

The thing that actually hurt me was that he told me he lost a little respect for me when he found out that I believe in creation. He thinks that I've been brainwashed my entire life. I told him about how I didn't really grow up in a Christian home, I haven't been going to church for many years now, and also there were those years in public school when, even though I was surrounded by all sorts of bad stuff, and didn't go to church and never heard anything about faith or God during those years, I still didn't stop believing because there's something in me that knows it's right. (Sorry if you are finding this offensive by now, I'm just writing what I said to him.) I also told him that while he thinks I've been brainwashed, I think the same of him. His father isn't just a non-believer, he's anti-faith in general. He was raised Catholic and hates the church, specifically the PEOPLE in it, and he's taken the liberty to impart that "knowledge" upon his son, who now feels basically the same way.

What bothers me is that so many people think that the faith and the people who believe in it ARE THE SAME THING. They aren't. If someone who thought that Christianity was bad because it made people so judgmental or whatever actually read the Bible, they'd see that it really is THE PEOPLE and not THE FAITH. I can't seem to make that point enough. Nowhere in the Bible does it say "You should hate people who are different" or "Non-believers are evil and you should look down upon them." In fact, there's even a verse that goes like this: And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.(Corinthians 13:13) LOVE, not hate or judgment or criticism, is the most important, fundamental doctrine of the Christian faith. Some people who call themselves "Christians" just can't seem to grasp that. They think that they need to convert everyone, and that all who refuse to believe are horrible, terrible people. No, I'm not saying that trying to teach someone about Christ is wrong, but if they're not gonna listen, don't try to force it on them. It will only make them want to listen less.

On top of that "loss of respect," the boyfriend told me that he knew he couldn't convince me, but if he could, then he would. I asked him why and he said because what I believe in is "wrong." He meant wrong like incorrect, but also morally wrong. I told him that if someone took away my faith, I would be hopeless. From that, he thought that I meant that all people without faith are hopeless in the sense that they're useless and going nowhere in life, but I explained to him that I meant that I, personally, would have no hope in life. I wouldn't be able to live thinking that I was just gonna die and that would be it. I'm the kind of person who needs to know that there's some reason why they're in the world. I've got a purpose, even if I don't yet know what it is. I know that isn't how it is for everyone, but that's how it is for me. I would go nuts if I thought that life just happened and then ended, and that's that.

That's the closest we've ever been to being in an actual argument. (It wasn't even that close, he just didn't want to talk about it because I guess he wanted to just be ignorant of my "foolishness." Not his exact words, but the same idea.)

This morning, he called me right after waking up. He said that he was sorry and that he still respects me, even if he disagrees with what I believe in. He told me that he doesn't ever want anything to come between us because he loves me and that's all we really need. I sure hope so. I know things are going to be tough between us, but I'm entirely unwilling to let him go.

I still stand by my belief that everything happens for a reason. I met the boyfriend at a concert, with him randomly walking up to me. We just so happened to get along perfectly and I knew pretty much immediately that we were basically made for each other. There's no way God would have let that "coincidence" happen unless there's some reason behind it. I guess I'll have to wait and see what that reason is.

Sorry if this post was super boring for you guys. I just had to get that out. It was just so frustrating, especially since it was 1am and the boyfriend was falling asleep toward the end of it, when I wanted to keep talking it out. I sincerely hope that no matter what you believe in, no matter how stupid or crazy or ridiculous you think everyone else's ideals are, you're willing to listen and talk to them about it and not judge them because everyone is different and everyone believes in what they believe for different reasons. I also sincerely hope that if you want to talk about anything, be it this topic or anything in life, you're comfortable talking to me about it. I don't want to be thrown in with people's general ideas of what Christians are like just because I am one. And, if you don't want to talk to me (and that's fine), I sincerely hope that you do have someone that you can talk to about anything.

Hope you all are having good days.

♥