UGHUGHUGH I fail at keeping this updated.

I've just been busy the last couple of weeks... getting ready for the end of the semester, Christmas, France... so many things to get ready for! But my preparation process is nearly over, which is nice. I only have a couple more people to shop for and I only have 1 more France trip meeting and I only have 1 more paper to write/turn in and then poof, I'm all done. Christmas banquet is Thursday night, after finals are all over and done with. I'm so excited!!! It's gonna be amazing, but I guess a little sad since it will be my last one... that is, unless I come back as an alumnus. :D I just love dressing up and eating fancy food and having general Christmassy fun with my friends. They're great people and we're going to look like movie stars.

We're also doing our Secret Santa gift-giving that night, which should be fun. I hope my friend likes what I got her. :)

My sister is home from Georgia! I think I will try and hang out with her tomorrow, since I don't have to go into school. That would be optimal.

What else... Webcomics have gone crazy as of late. (Not all bad, just a weird mixture of lack of updates and HUGE plot developments and general weirdness within all the comics I read.)

Uhh... I guess that's it?

♥

OH P.S I GOT A HAIRCUT BUT I HAVE NO PICTURES OF IT. YAAAY. (it's really cute!)

Depressing thought: I don't have a pair of snowpants.

I tried to find one my Freshman year but I couldn't, and now, here I am, a senior, still without snowpants! OH THE HUMANITY!

Christmas decorations are up in my house. We have lots of multi-colored lights up everywhere. It looks nice... and tacky... but I like it that way. :) Tacky decorations are what Christmas is all about, right? Right. Good.

Nothing else to say, 'cause I'm too bored/tired to think right now.

♥

First of all, let it be known that I'm wearing my Snuggie while I type this. :)

I got this letter in the mail today from the Illinois Student Assistance Commission. Apparently I've been named a 2010-11 State Scholar. They give this title to people who have a good ACT/SAT score and who have gotten good grades during high school. I guess it's supposed to help with college apps and scholarships... to bad they didn't give me the award BEFORE I started applying at places. Oh well, I at least got to include it on my app to Augustana. :)

I haven't been blogging lately. I think I just go through phases of blogging and not blogging, so don't be alarmed if I disappear for 2 months, then suddenly start posting every day. It's just something I tend to do, I think.

Nothing new as of late. The Boyfriend is still wonderful. :) We're all back to normal and I think happier than ever. I really feel like he's the person I'm meant to be with, if not forever then at least for now.

It snowed today! AHHH! WINTER IS HERE!!!

I went to Georgia from Saturday through Tuesday (by which I mean we drove down Saturday, spent 2 days there and drove back Tuesday). It was nice. I got to see my sister's senior art exhibition. It was incredible. I'm so proud to call her my sister, seriously. She's great.

This guy started talking to me on facebook. I met him a looong time ago at my friend's house, 'cause he was hanging out with her brother. Well, he just added me like a week or two ago and started talking to me, trying to flirt (calling me cute, etc.) and such. We talk a little bit but I definitely don't flirt back, haha. He's kinda weird. Apparently no one likes him (I know it sounds really mean). Everyone I know who knows him says he's a douchebag, or he's annoying, or talks about how he cost them/their family a bunch of money for x amount of things. They all say I shouldn't talk to him, but I'm not going to not talk to someone just 'cause other people talk badly about them. I've had that done to me before. I've had people gossiping about how much of a slut I supposedly was when they'd probably never heard my name a week before and had definitely never met me. So no, I'm not going to judge him off of what other people say. I'll figure it out for myself.

I dunno what else to say right now... my fingers are cold, haha. Night night, everyone.

♥

I've been lazy with blogging lately. I haven't really been reading that often and I haven't been posting much. I guess I've just been busy and haven't had much to post about anyway. Bleh.

Thanksgiving is tomorrow. Huzzah! I'm going out for Irish food tonight as a pre-Thanksgiving feast with the fam. Not entirely sure why, haha. Oh well. It'll be fun and yummy. :)

Last night, I slept over at my friend Lauryn's and our friend Bryan came with his gf Cori and her friend Julia, and Maggie came, and I brought The Boyfriend, so it was just a party. We baked things and ate pizza. :) The best part was that Cori and Julia slept over, which is a first. We are becoming friends! I am a happy camper. They are both soooooo awesome. Too bad Maggie couldn't stay the night. :( Oh wells, next time fo sho.

Meh, not much else to post about. Sims 3: World Adventures is awesome. That's about it.

♥

Movietickets.com is down. WTF? Why are you undergoing "routine maintenance" at 6:50 on a Friday night?!?!? Stupid.

I moved to a different desk (my old one was in the corner and it is now torn down and this one is where my mom's desktop used to be but she doesn't use it anymore so here I am, with my computer in this big hutch against the wall). I really don't like it. I really don't want to have my computer at this position. It displeases me. I just want to go back to being in the corner. (What a freak.)

More later... maybe.

♥

Hello hello hello.

I went to the mall all by myself yesterday! It was very exciting. I managed to blow almost the entirety of my first paycheck (which, admittedly, was not a huge sum of money, but still...), however at least 1/2 of it was on stuff I actually needed. And the other half was bargain shopping, so I don't feel bad about any of it. :) I also pre-ordered The Sims 3: World Adventures which I will hopefully be able to pick up from the store on Tuesday (since I believe that's the day it comes out).

I'm thinking of driving up to The Boyfriend's dad's house today, if he wants me to. His dad has to work from 12 to 5 so he is just stuck at the house doing nothing (as far as I know). Since it won't be rush-hour, I think it's only like a 35 minute drive. Normally I wouldn't do this, I'd just wait 'til Sunday to see him, but I haven't seen him since I think Tuesday so... yeah. We shall see if that works out.

Did I mention my new markers? They are all pretty and fancy and I loooove them. :) There are 18 of them and they are called "art markers" and they have 2 different tips and I loooove them. I think they're like cheap Prismacolors, if you know what those are. Not quite as fancy. I needed some for a special poster that I was making (more about that later!) and they were on sale and everything! YAAAAAY, MARKERS!

Not much else to say... Oh, I ran out of parts for the assembly job I do at home so I haven't been able to work the past few nights. JUST IN CASE YOU WANTED TO KNOW THAT.

Alright, I'm out.

♥

I have to write a Hemingway-esque vignette. Thus, I do not have time to post right now.

For the record, I HATE HATE HATE HATE HAAAAATE HEMINGWAY! >:{

Oh, I get paid on Friday, and I have 13 hours in which will make for a total of like $104 so my dad said with taxes taken out, I should get at least $75-80!!! WOO! PARTY TIME! :D What do you think I should purchase first? (It will probably end up being coffee from Starbucks, haha.)

♥

So... this girl and I talked. Turns out she just reeeeally like The Boyfriend and he had "liked" her sort of but decided that he didn't. She claims that he treated her like crap, which, ok, maybe he used her a little but she seemed quite willing to do whatever... anyway, I'm pretty sure what happened was that she got in over her head and The Boyfriend did not have the tact to let her down easy.

She's actually a really cool girl. We talked for a while and I think I made her feel better about stuff. I was a little mad that The Boyfriend left out the stuff about how much she liked him, and about her crying on the phone with him, but it wasn't a big deal. I think everything will be A-OK now. :D

In other news, I have a mysterious texting friend. More on that later, 'cause it's just too weird to explain as of yet.

I lost my phone today at school sometime between lunch and the class after lunch, but I found it at the end of the day. Someone had dropped it off at the front office. Yay! :D

Life is good.

♥

So... while The Boyfriend and I were on a break, he had a ladyfriend and I had a fella and some things happened and other things did not happen.

Well, the ladyfriend just facebook messaged me... and I responded... and my brains are 'sploded now because... wtf was that?

More on this later, I must get ready for/go to school!

EDIT: Ok, so it is now "later." The message was this:

"hey, girl. if there's anything that you want to know about [The Boy] and the break, feel free to give me a call at ********** or you can message me on facebook. i want to make sure that he isn't keeping anything from you regarding the relationship we had."

So... it was completely civil, and yet I couldn't help thinking that there was something behind it. I responded, but it was in the morning, and I couldn't wait around so I texted her just to say "Oh, well since you gave me your number, here is mine" and we've been texting back and forth for most of the day. It's been friendly and such... just... so strange. I'm just going to be nice to her and see what she says, or if she tries to pull anything.

I don't feel like elaborating on this now, but let me just throw this out there:
"I'm Alex. Alexander James."
and also this:
"I ain't interested in no mommys."

♥

So I was just thinking... I've had a lot of really great encounters with people who I admire and consider to be heroes/role models of sorts. I figured I would compile a list because it makes me happy to think about these things, and it also is helping me to realize how lucky I am to have lived all of these moments. I will try and put these into chronological order because that is the easiest.

August 12, 2006 (I actually remember the date for this one!): I went to Opryland in Tennessee, where one Alton Brown was doing a show type thing. He stood up on a big stage and talked to everyone and cooked a turkey... deep-fried a turkey (showing us how to do it in a safe, yet REALLY COOL way, of course). It was pretty soon after his birthday (thank you, internet), so I'd decided to make him a card before I went... at the end, he had people come up to the mic near the stage for questions, so I went up and gave him the card. He thought it was awesome... Later, my mom and I went to a meet & greet reception which included food (AB recipes, of course!) and... well, meeting and greeting. We stood in line, and the closer we got, the more I could feel my heart pounding. I should probably mention that Alton Brown is my absolute HERO. Anyway, we waited in line and finally we got to the front, and he was saying goodbye to the people in front of us, and then it was our turn, so he asked us our names and we talked. I remember he asked about my shirt, which said, "Babette ate oatmeal."
AB: What's that?
Me: It's from Gilmore Girls... it's this show on tv, I dunno if you know it...
AB: I do live on this planet, you know.
OK So I realize that typed out, that doesn't sound very nice of him to say, but it was in a way that was joking and actually very nice. It was amazing because I was standing there, JOKING with my hero, Alton Brown. Anyway, he picked up my mom's camera (I think she'd set it down on a nearby podium) and he was like "Is this yours?" and she said yes, so he took a couple of pictures of himself on it (which was strange... I think he didn't know how to use it, which is why it was more than one...) and then we got a picture with him and the we said goodbye. As soon as we got out of line, I just started crying... Not sobbing or anything, and definitely not sad... I think the shock had just hit me that I'd just met my hero, a person who I found to be excellent and awesome and someone to really want to listen to... So yeah, that was one of my greatest life moments.

April 2007: As you may know, I really love this band called The Academy Is... (the ... is part of their name). In April of 2007, they put out their second album (which was, admittedly, not as good as their first or third, however I did not know that until after this next thing happened). So there was a meet & greet with the band at Best Buy if you bought the CD. Well, I bought the CD and stood in line with my dad (who was amazingly patient and wonderful, especially since that specific BB was like 45 minutes from where we live). Anyway, we waited for a really long time, and then I got up there, and the first one at the table was Adam T. Siska (the bassist) and... all I remember were his gorgeous eyes and adorable smile and how sweet he was, asking me how I was and such. He genuinely seemed amazed/ecstatic to see all the fans. The whole band was like that (ok, maybe minus Bill...), but Sisky was the most. I felt bad for not knowing who Chizz was (he was new, at least to me!) but I still said hi and got my CD signed by him and the rest of them. So yes, another fantastic moment.

January 8th, 2008 (aka my 15th birthday): After school that day, I stared at my cell phone, which my friends had demanded I leave on all day. As I started to get into my mom's car, it rang. I didn't recognize the number, but my heart started pounding. I picked up the phone and said hello. The person, the guy, on the other line said hello to me too. I asked who it was, and he, without answering, asked who I was. I told him "I'm Norah, who is this?" and he said something like, "Well Norah, we heard that it was your birthday today, and we also heard that you are a fan of this band called LENNY." And then my heart really started racing and I got out of the car (which my mom, magically, had kept parked) and just said "uh-huh" and they said "Well this is JD and Jason, and we're from LENNY, and we're down in Georgia with this other band called Cartel (who I also love, but they weren't there right then) working on music, so sorry that this call was so late... we weren't sure about the timezones." At this point, I couldn't really talk so much as say things like "oh" and "yes" and "uh-huh" and such. Well, they asked if they could sing me happy birthday, and of course I said yes, and so they did. And I said thank you, and they told me thank you for being a fan, and they said they were happy to make my birthday special and we ended up talking for like 10-15 minutes altogether... and it was just amazing. After I got off the phone, I went SCREAMING back into the school to my friends (who were still there, since we weren't of driving age, yet) and freaked out with them. It was AWESOME.

November 14, 2008: I had just started using Twitter, and had posted something about how nerdy I was to only be using Twitter to follow webcomic artists, for the most part. The next day, I saw that I had a new message. It read, "perhaps nerdy, but most appreciated! (by us nerds anyway) welcome to my twitters :)" and it was from none other than Jeff Zugale. If you don't know, he is the artist behind the comic Just a Bit Off, which I enjoy quite a bit. Even though this was a little tiny message (Twitter is built on that sory of thing, you know), I was still super excited and hyper. It's nice to get a little recognition from someone of whom you call yourself a fan. :)

I know there are more examples of this, but I'm getting sleepy so I won't write about them today... But yeah, this really just cheered me up a lot, thinking about these awesome memories and really how great the people around me are to have made these moments possible (even that last one... if it hadn't been for The Boyfriend, I would never have read that comic, probably). So maybe you should take some time to remember some awesome times like this, ya? It's pretty sweet.

♥

Copied from Rayyy

A survey-type thing

A - Age: 16
B - Bed size: twin
C - Chore you hate: putting dishes into the dishwasher. (taking them out is fine.)
D - Don’t eat: veal, turtle
E - Essential start your day item: chapstick
F - Favourite board game: Scattergories or Apples to Apples
G - Gold or Silver: silver
H - Height: 5'6"
I - Instruments you play(ed): played cello, tried guitar (did not work)
J - Job title: umm... I don't know, "odd job doer?" haha.
K - Kid(s): none... haha.
L - Living arrangements: with mom and dad.
M - Mom’s name: Diana
N - Nicknames: Nor, Noober, Pillow, Frankie, weirdo, No-legs... there are others...
O - Overnight hospital stay other than birth: none
P - Pet Peeve: when people like say like "like" between like every single like word... like...
Q - Famous Movie Quote: "That was my favorite arm..."
R - Right or left handed: righty tighty
S - Sibling(s): 3 older sisters (Rachel, you are my opposite!)
T - Time you wake up: 6:30ish... 7 if I'm feeling lazy.
U - Underwear: currently? *checks* black. sooo boring.
V - Vegetable favorite: cauliflower!
W - Ways you run late: The Boyfriend got to my house late... that's usually what happens.
X - X-rays you’ve had: left arm, back/neck, teeth
Y - Yummy food you make: quesadillas!
Z - Zoo favorite: POLAR BEARS! :D

EDIT: New post up in the "Art Blog." It's a STORY! :D

Halloween!

I was a girl form of Frankenstein's monster, or a bride of Frankenstein, or a goth zombie, or some form of combination. I was undead. My outfit was freakishly awesome, but right now I have no pictures so I cannot show you how awesome it was.

Anyway, I went to this farm/fair type place with a bunch of my pals for a little bit but it was just TOO COLD to stay there. We went back to my house and planned while waiting for a few others to arrive and to give the few who were dead-set on Trick or Treating a chance to go get some free candy. At this point, The Boyfriend and I were back together but hadn't told anyone because we wanted to surprise them when we were all together... so yes, more on that later. Once everyone was together (minus one couple who met up with us waaay later), we decided to go glow-in-the-dark mini-golfing at the mall. We made it through something like 20 holes out of the 54 before giving up and skipping to the last. I won a free game! Yay!

After that, we all went to Chili's (still in costume) for dinner, where our last 2 pals finally met up with us. We got our food and the 3 of us who had gone to elementary school together realized that our 2nd grade teacher was sitting at the table next to us, but I guess she didn't recognize us. Oh well. Anyway, we were all eating dinner and having fun, when The Boyfriend turned to me and asked "Should we do it now?" and I nodded, and while about 1/2 the table was looking, he pulled me over to him and kissed me in front of everyone. The people who'd seen it were gaping and then whispered it to the people who had missed it, who all gave a collective groan of disappointment. The girls then got up and asked if I needed to go to the bathroom, which of course "I did" and so we all went and I told them the story.

They were enthused, and I was enthused, and we all jumped around and screamed in the bathroom for a moment before going back to our table.

When we got back, it was time to pay the bill and leave. We all went back to my house and watched 28 Days Later (which was awful and made me want to barf because of the cinematography) and then everyone went home. Another successful Halloween.

So yes, there was my Halloween, lots of fun and such.

As an aside, apparently my friend Kyle (the one I went on that date with... the one who I now find REALLY annoying) apparently was disturbed by the fact that The Boyfriend and I got back together and made it known to the two friends who he drove with on the way back to my house from Chili's. He decided it was a good idea to pass judgment on my relationship in front of a really close friend of mine, who of course told me about it today when I saw her. I made it known to him that he should not say things like that in front of the girls because we will all end up knowing... it really was a lesson he needed to learn, so eh... We'll see how things go tomorrow... I'm pondering not talking to him, but who knows. I haven't decided how big a deal it should be yet, haha. Probably not too big.

Anywho, that's my story.

♥

Tomorrow is the last day of my 5-day weekend! Sad! :P

However things are going quite well. My dad brought home a job for me (basically I have to act as a hole-punch to these rubber things... that's the best way I can explain it) which is going to pay money! He said that he talked to his boss and they are maybe going to put me on the payroll and then I'll just do whatever odd jobs my dad can take home and then maybe also sometimes come in after school or on weekends to do other odd jobs. I am actually quite excited because that means I'm kinda sorta employed! :D And I've already done a little bit of work! My dad said there are about 20 boxes of these rubber things, and tonight I did one, and I'm going to make $4 a box! So $80 bucks! It basically equates to minimum wage, which is totally fine by me. I am just excited to be doing a somewhat legit job.

In other news, The Boyfriend (yay to be calling him that again!) is now an employee of GameStop! Which means DISCOUNTS! haha. My friends are already asking him to buy books for them, since he gets a 30% discount from Barnes&Noble! (Isn't that sweet? GameStop and B&N and a few other places are owned by the same company so he gets sweet discounts at all of them!) He also gets to borrow games from the store for 4 nights at a time, so he said he probably has to rent some ps3 games (he doesn't have a ps3, but I do) for "research for work" and all. Teeheehee, I am beyond excited! So basically, life is REALLY GOOD right now.

I got my haircut today and got a library card! (Ok, really I renewed mine that expired 5 years ago, but they gave me a new one so... yeah...) This is, I think, the THIRD time I've gotten my hair cut shorter on the right side than the left... all at different places, too... so I think there just has to be something wrong with my head, shoulders, neck, or something along those lines... haha. I should probably fix it. Oh well.

Not much else to post about. I'd write about Halloween but I'm feeling too lazy, haha. So yes. Bye!

♥

Ok, so Halloween was amazingly fun, but I don't feel like writing about it. Haha.

This is how YESTERDAY went down:

I went to the mall with my friend Kyle. Kyle and I randomly ran into The Boy. Kyle, The Boy, and I decided to wander the mall, but then Kyle had to leave, so The Boy and I sat on a couch in the mall (yes, we have those, it is weird) and talked... for two hours (aka until closing). We then walked to my car because I said I'd drive him to his car (he parked on the opposite side of the mall as me and we were closer to my car while on the couch). After I drove him to his car, we hugged goodbye, but then I was sad. We went in for another hug and I was still sad. So we talked.

It was FREEZING cold and windy, and I was sad, but we stayed outside and talked anyway. At one point, he sat me on top of my car because I wouldn't tell him something (which I've now forgotten). He finally let me down, we walked to the side of my car, and as I opened the door, I decided I wanted another hug. He picked me up and swung me around and it was just... fun. I had a really good laugh and smile. And then we talked some more... and after a while, it got windier, so he held me and shielded me from the wind (with aid from my, now open, car door). The conversation went something like this:


Me: I should let you get home...
The Boy: No, I don't have to be home yet, we can stay as long as you want.
Me: Oh yeah, 'cause you're 18, no curfew.
The Boy: ... yeah, I'm 18... *sigh*
Me: What?
The Boy: I've just been doing a lot of thinking lately... when you're my age, things just change...
Me: Oh no, you did not pull that on me. You're not that much older...
The Boy: Yeah but I've had more time to really think about stuff.
Me: Whatever. (then I tried to leave and he pulled me back)
The Boy: No, that's not what I meant... I mean like, I've been thinking about what I feel and what I want. What's important...
Me: Uhuh?
The Boy: And like... (he said some stuff but it would take to long to type so I'm shortening it) What's more important to you? What you feel or what you want?
Me: Well...What I feel IS what I want.

And then, he just put his hands behind my neck, pulled me in, and kissed me... It was seriously like a movie. The wind was blowing and I was freezing but I could feel my insides getting warmer. I leaned back and looked at him, and... weirdest feeling in the world... some kind of mix of terror and confusion and excitement...

The Boy: I've been thinking about what I want, and how I feel, and all I really know is that I love you and no matter what, I want to experience things with you. Sure, some things may feel good, but they don't make me happy, and I don't want them the same way. You make me happy.
Me: ... I... love yo-(he then cut me off by kissing me again) -too...

And then we said some really mushy-gushy stuff and we got into my car to talk things over some more because it just got TOO COLD... He told me about how the break was for him, and I told him about how it was for me, and pretty much we decided that even though this might mess things up later (or it might not), why not just be happy with each other now? If we have that chance, we might as well take it.

Oh and then there was this:
The Boy: I know you always talk about how you were an accident and how you made your parents' lives miserable and stuff... but I don't think you're an accident simply because of how happy you've made me... like I must have done something to deserve how happy you've made me.
Me:... (after cooing over how adorable it was) Maybe so...

So anyways, I've resolved to be a little more relaxed and I'm really going to try to be more understanding... I know it's tough to be a teenage guy... And he has resolved to being more understanding of me and such, too... I think we both understand each other a little more since we've been separated, 'cause we both went through these weird sorts of withdrawal (which I don't need to get into here, haha). Not sure how to explain it, but I think things are going to be a little different from now on... not too different, but... different enough.

Sorry that this post was so long, I'd just hate to cut out any of it. A lot of it is just so that I'll remember it, but hopefully you have been okay with reading it, too. :)

Possibly a post about Halloween tomorrow!

♥

:)

(But more on that tomorrow...)






So excited for Halloween! I am going with a great gaggle of people to a farm-ish type place (it's like a county fair only smaller?) and then we are possibly trick-or-treating for a while and then we are going back to my house to eat and watch movies or something. MY COSTUME IS SOOOO COOL! :D

So yes, that's all I wish to type right now, as my fingers are really cold from being outside for a while... but, like the beginning of this post, there will be more on that TOMORROW! :D

♥

I've recently become obsessed with this website called thesixtyone.com and I think YOU SHOULD BE, TOO! haha. I really love this song called "Boys with Girlfriends" by Meiko. It's soooo great... and that's the end of my little plug thingy.

Nothing really new. Just kind of getting through the days. I've cried every night so far, but maybe that will change tonight. Just maybe. The more I think about it, the more angry I get that I wasn't, in his mind, better than what I wouldn't give him (he'll never admit to it upfront, but that's what it was). Alongside the growing anger, I have a growing amount of regret. I wasn't nice enough, I didn't pay enough attention, I didn't try hard enough just to love him. On top of that, I've been getting a little sadder... just remembering all these amazing times and stuff, it hurts so much, plus all the friends that I'll eventually lose (as much as none of us believe it will happen, it will).

But through it all, I'm trying to just... let things happen and be happy where I am. It really sucks... I hate feeling like I have no control whatsoever, but that's the reality and I'm attempting to learn to live with it.

About the new "crush" or whatever you'd like to call it... let me explain that it's not like a "oh my gosh I liiiiike him soooo much" thing. It's a "hey, this guy is really neat and I would not mind dating/kissing him." He is nice, funny, cute, tall, in generally good shape, and a good Christian boy (which would be a definite advantage over the ex). I know it's not wise to compare certain boys with other boys, and I'm not going to do it much, but this is at the very least a wonderful comfort knowing that I won't get dumped for the same reason as before. (Maybe for a completely new version, but still, it's nice to think about.) Of course, "won't get dumped" would assume that I will actually date him, which may or may not happen. I suppose I'll just have to wait and see, for now.

There's still the possibility of getting back with The Boy, however I don't see that happening at this point. He's... I don't know, he doesn't seem too keen on the idea, and I'm so messed up right now that I don't think it'd be great for me, either, 'cause who knows what I might do... blech.

Anywho, I'm done blogging for today! Ta ta!

♥

It's waaaaay too soon to have a crush... but I do. Oh well. :)

The Boy and I are officially The Ex and I.

edit: I can honestly say I'm heartbroken. I pretty much want to die right now. But more than that, I just want to go run into his arms and be his again... even though I know that's not what either of us needs. It's just... why does it have to be like this? Why is it that two people who care about each other SO much can't be together anymore? I don't know. I just don't want to be broken up. Great, now I'm crying again, just what I need at 2:30am.

It was so horrible. I was sobbing, he was sobbing... we were just holding each other, almost as though we were trying to hold the pieces in place. Neither of us wanted to end things... and yet we did. We did because he wanted something so much that it changed the way he acted toward me, which in turn changed the way I acted toward him. And now it's too late for me to turn around and say "hey, nevermind, I'll try harder." But I want to so badly. I don't want anyone but him right now... I really want to go numb until I'm capable of not being sad. Ugh, I have school tomorrow.

I guess my amazing week has officially ended, eh?

♥

I have officially applied to Southern Illinois (Carbondale) and University of Illinois (Urbana/Champaign)! WOO!!!! I feel so accomplished. Only need a few more... haha.

In other news, it looks like I might have another date. My friend and I have been flirting like crazy as of late. He was actually the person I hung out with right before The Boy and I decided to take a break. The day of, in fact. Since the break started, this friend and I have been talking a lot, flirting and such, and just overall having good conversations. Last night, he basically offered himself up to be one of my dates... It was quite confusing and such but we continued the flirting and such last night and today, so I guess that's a good sign? I don't know. Haha. Oh well, not that big of a deal.

Bleh, I don't feel like typing any more.

♥

To you... and you... and you and you and you...

-Sometimes I like to pretend that you're writing about me, even though there's no way it could ever be true.

-Thank you for being such a fantastic friend. I know I don't deserve it.

-I'm always going to be here for you, no matter what our situation is. Please don't forget that.

-What did you mean when you wrote all those things? Surely it was just our usual "thing," right? Nothing more, RIGHT? Why are you so confusing?

-I really miss you. We used to see each other practically every day. Now, it happens once in a blue moon. I love you more than most people.

-I feel bad when I am standoffish to you, but it's only because you tend to talk a lot and to be honest, it's just sort of annoying sometimes. Not always, but sometimes... And you say a lot of weird things that either don't make sense or just sound immature... but I know you're smarter than that, so I think you just need to realize how much I've grown up.

-I miss you as well. I can't wait to see you in November! You are literally my most favorite person in the world!

Okay, no more anonymous writings to people. Peace out, friends.

♥