UGHUGHUGH I fail at keeping this updated.

I've just been busy the last couple of weeks... getting ready for the end of the semester, Christmas, France... so many things to get ready for! But my preparation process is nearly over, which is nice. I only have a couple more people to shop for and I only have 1 more France trip meeting and I only have 1 more paper to write/turn in and then poof, I'm all done. Christmas banquet is Thursday night, after finals are all over and done with. I'm so excited!!! It's gonna be amazing, but I guess a little sad since it will be my last one... that is, unless I come back as an alumnus. :D I just love dressing up and eating fancy food and having general Christmassy fun with my friends. They're great people and we're going to look like movie stars.

We're also doing our Secret Santa gift-giving that night, which should be fun. I hope my friend likes what I got her. :)

My sister is home from Georgia! I think I will try and hang out with her tomorrow, since I don't have to go into school. That would be optimal.

What else... Webcomics have gone crazy as of late. (Not all bad, just a weird mixture of lack of updates and HUGE plot developments and general weirdness within all the comics I read.)

Uhh... I guess that's it?

♥

OH P.S I GOT A HAIRCUT BUT I HAVE NO PICTURES OF IT. YAAAY. (it's really cute!)

Depressing thought: I don't have a pair of snowpants.

I tried to find one my Freshman year but I couldn't, and now, here I am, a senior, still without snowpants! OH THE HUMANITY!

Christmas decorations are up in my house. We have lots of multi-colored lights up everywhere. It looks nice... and tacky... but I like it that way. :) Tacky decorations are what Christmas is all about, right? Right. Good.

Nothing else to say, 'cause I'm too bored/tired to think right now.

♥

First of all, let it be known that I'm wearing my Snuggie while I type this. :)

I got this letter in the mail today from the Illinois Student Assistance Commission. Apparently I've been named a 2010-11 State Scholar. They give this title to people who have a good ACT/SAT score and who have gotten good grades during high school. I guess it's supposed to help with college apps and scholarships... to bad they didn't give me the award BEFORE I started applying at places. Oh well, I at least got to include it on my app to Augustana. :)

I haven't been blogging lately. I think I just go through phases of blogging and not blogging, so don't be alarmed if I disappear for 2 months, then suddenly start posting every day. It's just something I tend to do, I think.

Nothing new as of late. The Boyfriend is still wonderful. :) We're all back to normal and I think happier than ever. I really feel like he's the person I'm meant to be with, if not forever then at least for now.

It snowed today! AHHH! WINTER IS HERE!!!

I went to Georgia from Saturday through Tuesday (by which I mean we drove down Saturday, spent 2 days there and drove back Tuesday). It was nice. I got to see my sister's senior art exhibition. It was incredible. I'm so proud to call her my sister, seriously. She's great.

This guy started talking to me on facebook. I met him a looong time ago at my friend's house, 'cause he was hanging out with her brother. Well, he just added me like a week or two ago and started talking to me, trying to flirt (calling me cute, etc.) and such. We talk a little bit but I definitely don't flirt back, haha. He's kinda weird. Apparently no one likes him (I know it sounds really mean). Everyone I know who knows him says he's a douchebag, or he's annoying, or talks about how he cost them/their family a bunch of money for x amount of things. They all say I shouldn't talk to him, but I'm not going to not talk to someone just 'cause other people talk badly about them. I've had that done to me before. I've had people gossiping about how much of a slut I supposedly was when they'd probably never heard my name a week before and had definitely never met me. So no, I'm not going to judge him off of what other people say. I'll figure it out for myself.

I dunno what else to say right now... my fingers are cold, haha. Night night, everyone.

♥

I've been lazy with blogging lately. I haven't really been reading that often and I haven't been posting much. I guess I've just been busy and haven't had much to post about anyway. Bleh.

Thanksgiving is tomorrow. Huzzah! I'm going out for Irish food tonight as a pre-Thanksgiving feast with the fam. Not entirely sure why, haha. Oh well. It'll be fun and yummy. :)

Last night, I slept over at my friend Lauryn's and our friend Bryan came with his gf Cori and her friend Julia, and Maggie came, and I brought The Boyfriend, so it was just a party. We baked things and ate pizza. :) The best part was that Cori and Julia slept over, which is a first. We are becoming friends! I am a happy camper. They are both soooooo awesome. Too bad Maggie couldn't stay the night. :( Oh wells, next time fo sho.

Meh, not much else to post about. Sims 3: World Adventures is awesome. That's about it.

♥

Movietickets.com is down. WTF? Why are you undergoing "routine maintenance" at 6:50 on a Friday night?!?!? Stupid.

I moved to a different desk (my old one was in the corner and it is now torn down and this one is where my mom's desktop used to be but she doesn't use it anymore so here I am, with my computer in this big hutch against the wall). I really don't like it. I really don't want to have my computer at this position. It displeases me. I just want to go back to being in the corner. (What a freak.)

More later... maybe.

♥

Hello hello hello.

I went to the mall all by myself yesterday! It was very exciting. I managed to blow almost the entirety of my first paycheck (which, admittedly, was not a huge sum of money, but still...), however at least 1/2 of it was on stuff I actually needed. And the other half was bargain shopping, so I don't feel bad about any of it. :) I also pre-ordered The Sims 3: World Adventures which I will hopefully be able to pick up from the store on Tuesday (since I believe that's the day it comes out).

I'm thinking of driving up to The Boyfriend's dad's house today, if he wants me to. His dad has to work from 12 to 5 so he is just stuck at the house doing nothing (as far as I know). Since it won't be rush-hour, I think it's only like a 35 minute drive. Normally I wouldn't do this, I'd just wait 'til Sunday to see him, but I haven't seen him since I think Tuesday so... yeah. We shall see if that works out.

Did I mention my new markers? They are all pretty and fancy and I loooove them. :) There are 18 of them and they are called "art markers" and they have 2 different tips and I loooove them. I think they're like cheap Prismacolors, if you know what those are. Not quite as fancy. I needed some for a special poster that I was making (more about that later!) and they were on sale and everything! YAAAAAY, MARKERS!

Not much else to say... Oh, I ran out of parts for the assembly job I do at home so I haven't been able to work the past few nights. JUST IN CASE YOU WANTED TO KNOW THAT.

Alright, I'm out.

♥

I have to write a Hemingway-esque vignette. Thus, I do not have time to post right now.

For the record, I HATE HATE HATE HATE HAAAAATE HEMINGWAY! >:{

Oh, I get paid on Friday, and I have 13 hours in which will make for a total of like $104 so my dad said with taxes taken out, I should get at least $75-80!!! WOO! PARTY TIME! :D What do you think I should purchase first? (It will probably end up being coffee from Starbucks, haha.)

♥

So... this girl and I talked. Turns out she just reeeeally like The Boyfriend and he had "liked" her sort of but decided that he didn't. She claims that he treated her like crap, which, ok, maybe he used her a little but she seemed quite willing to do whatever... anyway, I'm pretty sure what happened was that she got in over her head and The Boyfriend did not have the tact to let her down easy.

She's actually a really cool girl. We talked for a while and I think I made her feel better about stuff. I was a little mad that The Boyfriend left out the stuff about how much she liked him, and about her crying on the phone with him, but it wasn't a big deal. I think everything will be A-OK now. :D

In other news, I have a mysterious texting friend. More on that later, 'cause it's just too weird to explain as of yet.

I lost my phone today at school sometime between lunch and the class after lunch, but I found it at the end of the day. Someone had dropped it off at the front office. Yay! :D

Life is good.

♥

So... while The Boyfriend and I were on a break, he had a ladyfriend and I had a fella and some things happened and other things did not happen.

Well, the ladyfriend just facebook messaged me... and I responded... and my brains are 'sploded now because... wtf was that?

More on this later, I must get ready for/go to school!

EDIT: Ok, so it is now "later." The message was this:

"hey, girl. if there's anything that you want to know about [The Boy] and the break, feel free to give me a call at ********** or you can message me on facebook. i want to make sure that he isn't keeping anything from you regarding the relationship we had."

So... it was completely civil, and yet I couldn't help thinking that there was something behind it. I responded, but it was in the morning, and I couldn't wait around so I texted her just to say "Oh, well since you gave me your number, here is mine" and we've been texting back and forth for most of the day. It's been friendly and such... just... so strange. I'm just going to be nice to her and see what she says, or if she tries to pull anything.

I don't feel like elaborating on this now, but let me just throw this out there:
"I'm Alex. Alexander James."
and also this:
"I ain't interested in no mommys."

♥

So I was just thinking... I've had a lot of really great encounters with people who I admire and consider to be heroes/role models of sorts. I figured I would compile a list because it makes me happy to think about these things, and it also is helping me to realize how lucky I am to have lived all of these moments. I will try and put these into chronological order because that is the easiest.

August 12, 2006 (I actually remember the date for this one!): I went to Opryland in Tennessee, where one Alton Brown was doing a show type thing. He stood up on a big stage and talked to everyone and cooked a turkey... deep-fried a turkey (showing us how to do it in a safe, yet REALLY COOL way, of course). It was pretty soon after his birthday (thank you, internet), so I'd decided to make him a card before I went... at the end, he had people come up to the mic near the stage for questions, so I went up and gave him the card. He thought it was awesome... Later, my mom and I went to a meet & greet reception which included food (AB recipes, of course!) and... well, meeting and greeting. We stood in line, and the closer we got, the more I could feel my heart pounding. I should probably mention that Alton Brown is my absolute HERO. Anyway, we waited in line and finally we got to the front, and he was saying goodbye to the people in front of us, and then it was our turn, so he asked us our names and we talked. I remember he asked about my shirt, which said, "Babette ate oatmeal."
AB: What's that?
Me: It's from Gilmore Girls... it's this show on tv, I dunno if you know it...
AB: I do live on this planet, you know.
OK So I realize that typed out, that doesn't sound very nice of him to say, but it was in a way that was joking and actually very nice. It was amazing because I was standing there, JOKING with my hero, Alton Brown. Anyway, he picked up my mom's camera (I think she'd set it down on a nearby podium) and he was like "Is this yours?" and she said yes, so he took a couple of pictures of himself on it (which was strange... I think he didn't know how to use it, which is why it was more than one...) and then we got a picture with him and the we said goodbye. As soon as we got out of line, I just started crying... Not sobbing or anything, and definitely not sad... I think the shock had just hit me that I'd just met my hero, a person who I found to be excellent and awesome and someone to really want to listen to... So yeah, that was one of my greatest life moments.

April 2007: As you may know, I really love this band called The Academy Is... (the ... is part of their name). In April of 2007, they put out their second album (which was, admittedly, not as good as their first or third, however I did not know that until after this next thing happened). So there was a meet & greet with the band at Best Buy if you bought the CD. Well, I bought the CD and stood in line with my dad (who was amazingly patient and wonderful, especially since that specific BB was like 45 minutes from where we live). Anyway, we waited for a really long time, and then I got up there, and the first one at the table was Adam T. Siska (the bassist) and... all I remember were his gorgeous eyes and adorable smile and how sweet he was, asking me how I was and such. He genuinely seemed amazed/ecstatic to see all the fans. The whole band was like that (ok, maybe minus Bill...), but Sisky was the most. I felt bad for not knowing who Chizz was (he was new, at least to me!) but I still said hi and got my CD signed by him and the rest of them. So yes, another fantastic moment.

January 8th, 2008 (aka my 15th birthday): After school that day, I stared at my cell phone, which my friends had demanded I leave on all day. As I started to get into my mom's car, it rang. I didn't recognize the number, but my heart started pounding. I picked up the phone and said hello. The person, the guy, on the other line said hello to me too. I asked who it was, and he, without answering, asked who I was. I told him "I'm Norah, who is this?" and he said something like, "Well Norah, we heard that it was your birthday today, and we also heard that you are a fan of this band called LENNY." And then my heart really started racing and I got out of the car (which my mom, magically, had kept parked) and just said "uh-huh" and they said "Well this is JD and Jason, and we're from LENNY, and we're down in Georgia with this other band called Cartel (who I also love, but they weren't there right then) working on music, so sorry that this call was so late... we weren't sure about the timezones." At this point, I couldn't really talk so much as say things like "oh" and "yes" and "uh-huh" and such. Well, they asked if they could sing me happy birthday, and of course I said yes, and so they did. And I said thank you, and they told me thank you for being a fan, and they said they were happy to make my birthday special and we ended up talking for like 10-15 minutes altogether... and it was just amazing. After I got off the phone, I went SCREAMING back into the school to my friends (who were still there, since we weren't of driving age, yet) and freaked out with them. It was AWESOME.

November 14, 2008: I had just started using Twitter, and had posted something about how nerdy I was to only be using Twitter to follow webcomic artists, for the most part. The next day, I saw that I had a new message. It read, "perhaps nerdy, but most appreciated! (by us nerds anyway) welcome to my twitters :)" and it was from none other than Jeff Zugale. If you don't know, he is the artist behind the comic Just a Bit Off, which I enjoy quite a bit. Even though this was a little tiny message (Twitter is built on that sory of thing, you know), I was still super excited and hyper. It's nice to get a little recognition from someone of whom you call yourself a fan. :)

I know there are more examples of this, but I'm getting sleepy so I won't write about them today... But yeah, this really just cheered me up a lot, thinking about these awesome memories and really how great the people around me are to have made these moments possible (even that last one... if it hadn't been for The Boyfriend, I would never have read that comic, probably). So maybe you should take some time to remember some awesome times like this, ya? It's pretty sweet.

♥

Copied from Rayyy

A survey-type thing

A - Age: 16
B - Bed size: twin
C - Chore you hate: putting dishes into the dishwasher. (taking them out is fine.)
D - Don’t eat: veal, turtle
E - Essential start your day item: chapstick
F - Favourite board game: Scattergories or Apples to Apples
G - Gold or Silver: silver
H - Height: 5'6"
I - Instruments you play(ed): played cello, tried guitar (did not work)
J - Job title: umm... I don't know, "odd job doer?" haha.
K - Kid(s): none... haha.
L - Living arrangements: with mom and dad.
M - Mom’s name: Diana
N - Nicknames: Nor, Noober, Pillow, Frankie, weirdo, No-legs... there are others...
O - Overnight hospital stay other than birth: none
P - Pet Peeve: when people like say like "like" between like every single like word... like...
Q - Famous Movie Quote: "That was my favorite arm..."
R - Right or left handed: righty tighty
S - Sibling(s): 3 older sisters (Rachel, you are my opposite!)
T - Time you wake up: 6:30ish... 7 if I'm feeling lazy.
U - Underwear: currently? *checks* black. sooo boring.
V - Vegetable favorite: cauliflower!
W - Ways you run late: The Boyfriend got to my house late... that's usually what happens.
X - X-rays you’ve had: left arm, back/neck, teeth
Y - Yummy food you make: quesadillas!
Z - Zoo favorite: POLAR BEARS! :D

EDIT: New post up in the "Art Blog." It's a STORY! :D

Halloween!

I was a girl form of Frankenstein's monster, or a bride of Frankenstein, or a goth zombie, or some form of combination. I was undead. My outfit was freakishly awesome, but right now I have no pictures so I cannot show you how awesome it was.

Anyway, I went to this farm/fair type place with a bunch of my pals for a little bit but it was just TOO COLD to stay there. We went back to my house and planned while waiting for a few others to arrive and to give the few who were dead-set on Trick or Treating a chance to go get some free candy. At this point, The Boyfriend and I were back together but hadn't told anyone because we wanted to surprise them when we were all together... so yes, more on that later. Once everyone was together (minus one couple who met up with us waaay later), we decided to go glow-in-the-dark mini-golfing at the mall. We made it through something like 20 holes out of the 54 before giving up and skipping to the last. I won a free game! Yay!

After that, we all went to Chili's (still in costume) for dinner, where our last 2 pals finally met up with us. We got our food and the 3 of us who had gone to elementary school together realized that our 2nd grade teacher was sitting at the table next to us, but I guess she didn't recognize us. Oh well. Anyway, we were all eating dinner and having fun, when The Boyfriend turned to me and asked "Should we do it now?" and I nodded, and while about 1/2 the table was looking, he pulled me over to him and kissed me in front of everyone. The people who'd seen it were gaping and then whispered it to the people who had missed it, who all gave a collective groan of disappointment. The girls then got up and asked if I needed to go to the bathroom, which of course "I did" and so we all went and I told them the story.

They were enthused, and I was enthused, and we all jumped around and screamed in the bathroom for a moment before going back to our table.

When we got back, it was time to pay the bill and leave. We all went back to my house and watched 28 Days Later (which was awful and made me want to barf because of the cinematography) and then everyone went home. Another successful Halloween.

So yes, there was my Halloween, lots of fun and such.

As an aside, apparently my friend Kyle (the one I went on that date with... the one who I now find REALLY annoying) apparently was disturbed by the fact that The Boyfriend and I got back together and made it known to the two friends who he drove with on the way back to my house from Chili's. He decided it was a good idea to pass judgment on my relationship in front of a really close friend of mine, who of course told me about it today when I saw her. I made it known to him that he should not say things like that in front of the girls because we will all end up knowing... it really was a lesson he needed to learn, so eh... We'll see how things go tomorrow... I'm pondering not talking to him, but who knows. I haven't decided how big a deal it should be yet, haha. Probably not too big.

Anywho, that's my story.

♥

Tomorrow is the last day of my 5-day weekend! Sad! :P

However things are going quite well. My dad brought home a job for me (basically I have to act as a hole-punch to these rubber things... that's the best way I can explain it) which is going to pay money! He said that he talked to his boss and they are maybe going to put me on the payroll and then I'll just do whatever odd jobs my dad can take home and then maybe also sometimes come in after school or on weekends to do other odd jobs. I am actually quite excited because that means I'm kinda sorta employed! :D And I've already done a little bit of work! My dad said there are about 20 boxes of these rubber things, and tonight I did one, and I'm going to make $4 a box! So $80 bucks! It basically equates to minimum wage, which is totally fine by me. I am just excited to be doing a somewhat legit job.

In other news, The Boyfriend (yay to be calling him that again!) is now an employee of GameStop! Which means DISCOUNTS! haha. My friends are already asking him to buy books for them, since he gets a 30% discount from Barnes&Noble! (Isn't that sweet? GameStop and B&N and a few other places are owned by the same company so he gets sweet discounts at all of them!) He also gets to borrow games from the store for 4 nights at a time, so he said he probably has to rent some ps3 games (he doesn't have a ps3, but I do) for "research for work" and all. Teeheehee, I am beyond excited! So basically, life is REALLY GOOD right now.

I got my haircut today and got a library card! (Ok, really I renewed mine that expired 5 years ago, but they gave me a new one so... yeah...) This is, I think, the THIRD time I've gotten my hair cut shorter on the right side than the left... all at different places, too... so I think there just has to be something wrong with my head, shoulders, neck, or something along those lines... haha. I should probably fix it. Oh well.

Not much else to post about. I'd write about Halloween but I'm feeling too lazy, haha. So yes. Bye!

♥

Ok, so Halloween was amazingly fun, but I don't feel like writing about it. Haha.

This is how YESTERDAY went down:

I went to the mall with my friend Kyle. Kyle and I randomly ran into The Boy. Kyle, The Boy, and I decided to wander the mall, but then Kyle had to leave, so The Boy and I sat on a couch in the mall (yes, we have those, it is weird) and talked... for two hours (aka until closing). We then walked to my car because I said I'd drive him to his car (he parked on the opposite side of the mall as me and we were closer to my car while on the couch). After I drove him to his car, we hugged goodbye, but then I was sad. We went in for another hug and I was still sad. So we talked.

It was FREEZING cold and windy, and I was sad, but we stayed outside and talked anyway. At one point, he sat me on top of my car because I wouldn't tell him something (which I've now forgotten). He finally let me down, we walked to the side of my car, and as I opened the door, I decided I wanted another hug. He picked me up and swung me around and it was just... fun. I had a really good laugh and smile. And then we talked some more... and after a while, it got windier, so he held me and shielded me from the wind (with aid from my, now open, car door). The conversation went something like this:


Me: I should let you get home...
The Boy: No, I don't have to be home yet, we can stay as long as you want.
Me: Oh yeah, 'cause you're 18, no curfew.
The Boy: ... yeah, I'm 18... *sigh*
Me: What?
The Boy: I've just been doing a lot of thinking lately... when you're my age, things just change...
Me: Oh no, you did not pull that on me. You're not that much older...
The Boy: Yeah but I've had more time to really think about stuff.
Me: Whatever. (then I tried to leave and he pulled me back)
The Boy: No, that's not what I meant... I mean like, I've been thinking about what I feel and what I want. What's important...
Me: Uhuh?
The Boy: And like... (he said some stuff but it would take to long to type so I'm shortening it) What's more important to you? What you feel or what you want?
Me: Well...What I feel IS what I want.

And then, he just put his hands behind my neck, pulled me in, and kissed me... It was seriously like a movie. The wind was blowing and I was freezing but I could feel my insides getting warmer. I leaned back and looked at him, and... weirdest feeling in the world... some kind of mix of terror and confusion and excitement...

The Boy: I've been thinking about what I want, and how I feel, and all I really know is that I love you and no matter what, I want to experience things with you. Sure, some things may feel good, but they don't make me happy, and I don't want them the same way. You make me happy.
Me: ... I... love yo-(he then cut me off by kissing me again) -too...

And then we said some really mushy-gushy stuff and we got into my car to talk things over some more because it just got TOO COLD... He told me about how the break was for him, and I told him about how it was for me, and pretty much we decided that even though this might mess things up later (or it might not), why not just be happy with each other now? If we have that chance, we might as well take it.

Oh and then there was this:
The Boy: I know you always talk about how you were an accident and how you made your parents' lives miserable and stuff... but I don't think you're an accident simply because of how happy you've made me... like I must have done something to deserve how happy you've made me.
Me:... (after cooing over how adorable it was) Maybe so...

So anyways, I've resolved to be a little more relaxed and I'm really going to try to be more understanding... I know it's tough to be a teenage guy... And he has resolved to being more understanding of me and such, too... I think we both understand each other a little more since we've been separated, 'cause we both went through these weird sorts of withdrawal (which I don't need to get into here, haha). Not sure how to explain it, but I think things are going to be a little different from now on... not too different, but... different enough.

Sorry that this post was so long, I'd just hate to cut out any of it. A lot of it is just so that I'll remember it, but hopefully you have been okay with reading it, too. :)

Possibly a post about Halloween tomorrow!

♥

:)

(But more on that tomorrow...)






So excited for Halloween! I am going with a great gaggle of people to a farm-ish type place (it's like a county fair only smaller?) and then we are possibly trick-or-treating for a while and then we are going back to my house to eat and watch movies or something. MY COSTUME IS SOOOO COOL! :D

So yes, that's all I wish to type right now, as my fingers are really cold from being outside for a while... but, like the beginning of this post, there will be more on that TOMORROW! :D

♥

I've recently become obsessed with this website called thesixtyone.com and I think YOU SHOULD BE, TOO! haha. I really love this song called "Boys with Girlfriends" by Meiko. It's soooo great... and that's the end of my little plug thingy.

Nothing really new. Just kind of getting through the days. I've cried every night so far, but maybe that will change tonight. Just maybe. The more I think about it, the more angry I get that I wasn't, in his mind, better than what I wouldn't give him (he'll never admit to it upfront, but that's what it was). Alongside the growing anger, I have a growing amount of regret. I wasn't nice enough, I didn't pay enough attention, I didn't try hard enough just to love him. On top of that, I've been getting a little sadder... just remembering all these amazing times and stuff, it hurts so much, plus all the friends that I'll eventually lose (as much as none of us believe it will happen, it will).

But through it all, I'm trying to just... let things happen and be happy where I am. It really sucks... I hate feeling like I have no control whatsoever, but that's the reality and I'm attempting to learn to live with it.

About the new "crush" or whatever you'd like to call it... let me explain that it's not like a "oh my gosh I liiiiike him soooo much" thing. It's a "hey, this guy is really neat and I would not mind dating/kissing him." He is nice, funny, cute, tall, in generally good shape, and a good Christian boy (which would be a definite advantage over the ex). I know it's not wise to compare certain boys with other boys, and I'm not going to do it much, but this is at the very least a wonderful comfort knowing that I won't get dumped for the same reason as before. (Maybe for a completely new version, but still, it's nice to think about.) Of course, "won't get dumped" would assume that I will actually date him, which may or may not happen. I suppose I'll just have to wait and see, for now.

There's still the possibility of getting back with The Boy, however I don't see that happening at this point. He's... I don't know, he doesn't seem too keen on the idea, and I'm so messed up right now that I don't think it'd be great for me, either, 'cause who knows what I might do... blech.

Anywho, I'm done blogging for today! Ta ta!

♥

It's waaaaay too soon to have a crush... but I do. Oh well. :)

The Boy and I are officially The Ex and I.

edit: I can honestly say I'm heartbroken. I pretty much want to die right now. But more than that, I just want to go run into his arms and be his again... even though I know that's not what either of us needs. It's just... why does it have to be like this? Why is it that two people who care about each other SO much can't be together anymore? I don't know. I just don't want to be broken up. Great, now I'm crying again, just what I need at 2:30am.

It was so horrible. I was sobbing, he was sobbing... we were just holding each other, almost as though we were trying to hold the pieces in place. Neither of us wanted to end things... and yet we did. We did because he wanted something so much that it changed the way he acted toward me, which in turn changed the way I acted toward him. And now it's too late for me to turn around and say "hey, nevermind, I'll try harder." But I want to so badly. I don't want anyone but him right now... I really want to go numb until I'm capable of not being sad. Ugh, I have school tomorrow.

I guess my amazing week has officially ended, eh?

♥

I have officially applied to Southern Illinois (Carbondale) and University of Illinois (Urbana/Champaign)! WOO!!!! I feel so accomplished. Only need a few more... haha.

In other news, it looks like I might have another date. My friend and I have been flirting like crazy as of late. He was actually the person I hung out with right before The Boy and I decided to take a break. The day of, in fact. Since the break started, this friend and I have been talking a lot, flirting and such, and just overall having good conversations. Last night, he basically offered himself up to be one of my dates... It was quite confusing and such but we continued the flirting and such last night and today, so I guess that's a good sign? I don't know. Haha. Oh well, not that big of a deal.

Bleh, I don't feel like typing any more.

♥

To you... and you... and you and you and you...

-Sometimes I like to pretend that you're writing about me, even though there's no way it could ever be true.

-Thank you for being such a fantastic friend. I know I don't deserve it.

-I'm always going to be here for you, no matter what our situation is. Please don't forget that.

-What did you mean when you wrote all those things? Surely it was just our usual "thing," right? Nothing more, RIGHT? Why are you so confusing?

-I really miss you. We used to see each other practically every day. Now, it happens once in a blue moon. I love you more than most people.

-I feel bad when I am standoffish to you, but it's only because you tend to talk a lot and to be honest, it's just sort of annoying sometimes. Not always, but sometimes... And you say a lot of weird things that either don't make sense or just sound immature... but I know you're smarter than that, so I think you just need to realize how much I've grown up.

-I miss you as well. I can't wait to see you in November! You are literally my most favorite person in the world!

Okay, no more anonymous writings to people. Peace out, friends.

♥

Nothing to do today! My mom wants me to clean, but even that can't take very long... Hmm... I suppose I should see if anyone is available. I feel like there was some kind of plan for the weekend that's somehow been forgotten... =P

Every day I get a little more undecided about this whole break thing. I love The Boy, however I also love the idea that I have a shot at being with someone else who shares my faith and values and stuff. I don't even know. Suppose I should just wait it out another 2 weeks and see what happens, eh? Maybe he doesn't even want to be with me anymore. We still haven't really gotten the chance to talk about it much... and him being sick doesn't help. =/ Bleh. I think it would be helpful to go on one more date with someone, but there is no one to take me on one. There are 2 people that I would most definitely say yes to, but I don't believe either is interested. Oh wells. Not really a big deal.

In other news, this week has been pretty amazing... not entirely sure why, or even if there IS a why, but I like it all the same. The very small amount of homework and lack of drama between friends is definitely a plus. Seeing the bestie yesterday was icing on the cake. :) Oh, and there was that wonderful sweater I posted about. All-in-all, this week was fannnnntastic.

♥

I kid you not, my friend Steve has the voice of Nate Ruess, who is (err, was, I guess?) the singer from The Format... basically... There's something so special about this kind of voice... I don't know, I just love it. I started freaking out when I heard my friend sing. I'd never heard it before, since I guess he hates singing in front of people, but then he was up on the stage for this production that my school puts on and he was singing this song that he'd written (while playing his 12-string, how cool!) and... yes. Sorry I can't be more articulate, I just wanted to make it known how amazing I find this kid. He is seriously one of my all-time favorite people.

In other news, The (non-current) Boyfriend has bronchitis! :( Saaad. We would be hanging out today if it was not for that. Oh wells, I get to see my bestie tonight, which is just as good, if not better! :D She is very cool.

Now, I'm off to chill alone for a bit before I chill with her.

♥

Hey all.

I have a raging headache so I'll post more later. Just wanted to point out that evidently, my face truly matches my insides sometimes.

Today, while I was at Starbucks with a couple of friends, I heard my name. I looked up, only to see a waving hand and a slightly familiar face. I tried my hardest and after a few seconds, I remembered his name and where I knew him from. It was Prabhat, a guy who I had not seen since 8th grade. I went over and talked a bit and then sat back down. My friends said that my face was priceless. Evidently, it looked like I went into "panic mode," according to my friend Kailyn. My other friend, Jenn, said that I went bright red and looked like I really didn't know what to do. What's funny was that I was when I saw him, I was thinking something like "Oh man, I feel bad, I don't know who this is" and I guess it showed, for a second at least.

Anywho, that is all for now.

♥

Today, I had the honor of wearing a sweater to school. It was no ordinary sweater. Oh no, it was much more than just a sweater. It was (and is)... something akin to a BILL COSBY SWEATER. It is bright and colorful and all sorts of comfy... but why tell you about it when I can just show you? :D

So this is THE SWEATER. The story behind it is this: One day, I went to Goodwill with my good friends, Maggie and Lauryn. Lauryn picked up this craaaazy sweater and asked if I wanted it. Well I did not want to spend too much money at the time, but she decided that she wanted it. One dressing room trip later, and all three of us gals decided that we loved/wanted it. We each paid $2 for it, and Lauryn paid an extra $1, which added up to the whole $7 cost. We decided we would trade it off, like The Pants in the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants series, only we're going to wash the sweater.

I figured that what we can do so that what we paid evens out, is we'll rent out the sweater. Lauryn priced it at 10 cents a wear. Thus, the first 10 wears will pay back Lauryn, and then each after that will make each of us a 3.33 cent profit. :) We are SO going to make a fortune. Teehee. ♥

That was basically the most exciting part of my day. It was generally just a really nice day. The weather was beautiful (which was refreshing after so much rain and gross), so I went outside and took pictures of the sweater, as well as ladybugs and spiders and paint and things. :) Whee!

Oh, and I found out that my sophomore history teacher who moved back home to Alabama is now expecting twins! I am so excited for her and her husband. :) They're gonna be the coolest parents ever ever ever.

Today was wonderful! It was just one of those days that reminds me why I love life so much. I even had fun editing a poem that I'd written! Seriously, today is just crazy awesome. I think it's got a lot to due with the sweater, haha. :) I'll be sad not to wear it tomorrow. Oh well, maybe the sweatery joy will carry over through until the next time I wear it (as it goes to Maggie next, then back to Lauryn).

Hum. What do you love about life/fall/sweaters/anything?

♥

P.S. I updated the "art blog!" Go check it out for some poetry-ness.

The short and skinny: We are going to stay friends. I do not like Kyle romantically and we are not going be a couple or anything like that.

Thai food was delicious and lots of fun. We went out to Starbucks afterward and the was pretty chill. It's nice to just talk with a friend sometimes. :) (Especially over delicious coffee drinks.)

My friend's Eagle Scout thing was actually fun. He got a new neckerchief. Yay!

I went and saw The (non-current) Boyfriend for a little bit after the ceremony b/c I was right by his house and he invited me over. It was nice. We watched this really crazy movie. And then I left for home, changed, and went on the date. The end!

♥

So Kyle showed up at my house last night with flowers for Sweetest Day... he stayed for a little while and ended up putting his arm around me. I think he was trying to get me to kiss him? But I didn't. We talked a bit about if "this" could work, and if it didn't, could we still go back to being good friends? We agreed that we totally can and everything will be fine in any case, so I'm not terribly worried... I just think that maybe he's more into this whole date thing than I am. I know, I seemed really excited/worried before, but last night... I dunno, I don't think I'm romantically interested. Last night just left me with this feeling of... I dunno what to call it... As I described it to a couple friends, I just wanted to cry and hug The (non-current) Boyfriend. It was strange.

My mom doesn't want me to get back together with him because he's not a Christian. I personally don't care at this point. We'll just have to wait and see what happens, I suppose.

Hum, what else? Oh, my friend Dan's Eagle Scout induction or whatever is today. I made him an awesome card, which is sure to make him laugh. Yay! I am actually quite excited for the ceremony. It's only like 30 minutes long, which is probably why I'm looking forward to it. If it were like 3 hours, I might just die a little. Haha. (No offense to any potential cub/boy/eagle/whatever scouts out there... I just don't want to sit through a long ceremony for something about which I care minimally.)

I'll probably post again later tonight after the date with Kyle. We are going out for Thai food. Yumm. At least I know that much will be good... :)

♥

So... I have a date. I know I said this before, however now it has an official day, which is tomorrow. o.o

I dunno what to wear... I dunno where we're going or when or anything... I guess I should probably ask, at LEAST the when part (I dunno if these things are supposed to be surprises or whatever). This is basically my first first date ever. With The (non-current) Boyfriend, we kinda established that we were interested the night we first met, and then the first couple of times we hung out, we were with other people. We were never alone until after we'd started the relationship, so there wasn't really a "first date" so to speak.

I'm thinking I will wear my most favorite pair of skinny jeans, a cute t-shirt, a cool jacket and this really sweet scarf that I have. If the scarf doesn't work out (I'm not sure how it'll look with the jacket because right now this is all just in my head), then I think I'll go with a long necklace. Gah, maybe I need to make a trip to a friend's house and steal something from one of them...

If I don't go with the cute t-shirt, I'll probably end up going with a short dress (still over jeans). I have a few that I really like (and haven't worn in a while...) that would look a little nicer/dressier (aka more "date-worthy?") AAAAnd if I don't go with that, I have a couple of cute skirts that I could pair with something, although it might be too cold for that sort of thing. Hmm...

The only problem left is shoes. I have a zillion (ok, 5) pairs of Converse. But I also have a pair of black, knee-high boots, OR some black ankle boots, OR some black heels, OR my brown clogs (but those are sorta torn up/gross so I don't think I'll go with them) OR my black flats. Oh yeah, I also have flip-flops (too cold!) and snow boots (too warm!). Hahaha. I'll probably end up going with my black high-top Converse because they go with nearly everything and they are very "me."

Hum... sorry that this has been all about clothes so far. I'm just... ugh I don't know! Haha. I'm excited but at the same time, I'm worried, and also at the same time I'm a little sad. I mean, if it doesn't work out, then I guess we'll just stay friends and it'll be fine. But if it does go well... well then what am I going to do? Should I try to pursue things with this friend of mine? Or should I just shrug it off and go back to The (non-current) Boyfriend? I mean... I still love him, I still want to be with him... Bahhh.

Oh well. New topic. Last night was fun fun fun. We had an Autumnal Celebration in school in which a bunch of people had a potluck, went on an Autumnal Walk of Joy on the prairie path, listened to poetry readings and, most importantly, listened as someone read "Where the Wild Things Are" to us. We then left and went to see the movie a bit later. It was a little awkward b/c only one of my friends could see the movie, and, you guessed it, it was the same friend that I am going on a date with. We didn't put down the arm between our seats in the theater, but we also did not hold hands/cuddle/anything... so it was just strange. In any case, I LOVED the movie. You should go see it... scratch that, you should go read the book first (it literally takes like 5 minutes or less), and then go see the movie. It was everything I'd hoped for and more. ♥

I guess that's all I have to say right now.

♥

Ok ok ok... so... basically, I'm going on a date with my friend Kyle. And I don't know when or where yet, only that we are going to go on one.

Do I like him? ... I dunno, maybe?
Am I nervous? Not terribly.
Am I excited? Yes.
Am I going to tell The (non current) Boyfriend? ... Maybe... after it happens...? Dunno.
Do I think that this will change things? I'm leaning toward no, but who knows...
Do I plan on looking awesome? HELL YES.

So that's about it right now.

I just wrote a ton of crap for my Creative Writing class, so my thoughts are just about tapped for now. Sorry! :3

♥

fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

my heart is aching a lot right now, and I don't know who can fix it.

my heart is now just sort of confused but is definitely not aching. Whoops.

The Boyfriend and I are taking a 1 month break.

We both need to figure out what we want, and how happy we really are with each other, and this was the best way I could think to do it without just breaking up all together. A break just gives us a little more hope, I think. Who knows, this'll probably only last like a week, but still. We just need some time to reassess.

Ugh ugh ugh.

I don't think I'll ever be able to be in a relationship with someone without ending up liking someone else... Is there something wrong with me?

I started thinking about crushes, likes, loves and whatever this week. I realized that I could see myself liking/dating almost any of my guy friends. And I was thinking about arranged marriages too, and how it seems like people who have arranged marriages end up falling in love and being happy a lot of the time. I mean, they're at least into each other enough to make babies, ya? So... my thinking here is that really all you need is a friendship and the rest will follow if you let it. It's all about availability and timing, for the most part. I feel like I could go anywhere and find someone who I'd be willing to date and eventually marry.

It's a little less simple than that, of course. Like, I don't want to marry someone who hates music or is mean to me or something like that... but if that's all it takes, then I could honestly see myself marrying any guy who is just a friend to me.

If you're a guy and you're my friend, don't worry, it doesn't mean I have a crush on you. I just think it wouldn't be completely absurd for us to date or get married, probably.

♥

Dear Creative Writing teacher,

You teach at a private school. Thus, you should probably stop posting things on your Twitter and Facebook like links to your stand-up comedy routine in which you swear, or jokes about wet T-Shirt contests, or anything involving the word "dick" unless it's in reference to someone named Richard.

I really don't want you to get in trouble or fired, because, quite frankly, you are probably the coolest teacher I have this year.

Sincerely,
Your student.

I'm going to go read this book right now.

:)

Yay for my school getting all of us seniors free copies! Connections rock! Wheeeee...

UGH.

I don't even know why but this just set me off...

I was in class with a couple of my friends. I was even having a really good day so far. Then, we started talking about our two friends who are also a couple, and they were talking about how they no longer like the male side of the couple, and I was trying to defend him in his boyness (since boys generally are kind of dumb... at least at our age... no offense, teeheehee). Nothing really came of that conversation, it just sorta switched to something else, which was fine. THEN, I started talking about this friend (male) who I am planning on chilling with this weekend. All of a sudden my friends are telling me that I cannot date him (well one friend, really, the other was just sort of there when it was happening and just nodded along for the most part). Hello, I am already dating someone... Sure, I might *happen* to look adorable while I hang out with this friend, but so what? No big deal.

So then my friends (again, mostly just the one) start saying how they don't like this guy and how they've only heard bad things about him. I ask if they actually know him personally, and go figure, the answer is NO. Guess who does know him personally? ME. Just because you know his ex-girlfriend who had ONE bad story about him (which could have very well been blown WAY out of proportion, especially since it "happened" like 2 years ago) doesn't mean you know everything about him. He's never done anything mean to me, and since I've known him, he's actually been a pretty fantastic friend. He helped me out a lot just by BEING THERE FOR ME this week, and I thought maybe this would be a good time to try and get together more.

So yeah, I guess it wasn't a huge deal, but I just completely shut down after this. I started doodling/writing in my notebook about how judgmental my friends (mostly with one in mind, not really the other, to reiterate again) and then my one friend starts passing me notes like "I love you" and "you're pretty" and whatever. I don't care what you think of me, and I don't care if you choose not to like some of the people I'm friends with, but don't act as if you know them so well that you can criticize them and then act like I'm crazy to want to be friends with them. UGH.

-_-

The rest of my day was spent mostly avoiding/ignoring the one friend. I was fine with the other, 'cause she is generally way awesome and wasn't really contributing to the hatin' and such. It'll all be blown over by the next time I see her, so I guess it's fine. I just... ugh, especially since the more I think about it, she complains about a LOT of people, so I hate to think what she says about me. (Not to say that I don't participate in my fair share of gossip, but still... yikes.)

/end rant.

THIS IS GOING TO BE AN AWESOME WEEKEND!

♥

I put this in paper form under the flags of a bunch of mailboxes in my neighborhood. I'm slightly altering for this blog. So yeah.

WAIT! Before you just ignore this post, take a minute to just look it over. I’m not asking for money, for help, for anything but a little bit of time and an email response if you feel so led. (This first chunk is a poem I wrote for class, and the rest of it goes with it.)

The Least

Father and daughter
Sweep their feet along the dirty street.
With nothing, they search
For even scraps;
No better than the alley cats.
Not one penny to their names,
Nothing but their torn and tattered clothes,
Wishing for winter to never come.
They are the least.

You lie there,
Body broken by aching disease.
You cry out for healing,
For peace.
And yet you remain weak,
Consumed by thoughts of your own pain.
You beg and plea
For just a little more time; more life.
You are the least.

I see nothing but my life,
Self-absorbed and uncaring,
I hope against all hope
For happiness.
And yet I am so unwilling
To open my eyes to the life outside.
I remain wrapped up in my own problems,
Just barely beginning to want to unravel.
I am the least.


Who are the LEAST?
The least are people in the world who have some kind of problem. Thus, each person is among the least. Some are poor, diseased, in jail… but others are just sad, lonely, or lost. Others yet deal with problems like anger, conceit, or habitual lying. Every person is the least, and every person has been affected by the least. I invite YOU to email me at HowAmILeast@gmail.com and tell me something about your experience with the least.
Some questions you could answer: How are you the least? How have you been affected by the least? How can you help the least? If you’d like, you can even ask me about the Least or about this project. Lastly, pass this on to a friend if you want!


What is LEAST?
LEAST is a production put on by my school which is made up of a play interspersed with student art pieces, as well as a gallery for student art. All the pieces of artwork, like poems, paintings, or videos, as well as the play, are all connected to this idea of who the Least are. The driving force behind it all is this Bible verse: Matthew 25:40 "The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.' Ask me if you'd like more information.

Why am I doing this?
This paper is the result of a school project, but it’s more than that. It’s an attempt to talk about how every person is hurting in some way, and how we can all help. It’s also an invitation to anyone to check out the LEAST program at my school. The responses I receive will be compiled and presented to my class, and then maybe to the rest of the school. It will be completely anonymous (unless you really WANT to be known).

It is so windy, I think my house might get blown over... or maybe just blown into Oz...

Today and yesterday were rough. The Boyfriend and I almost broke up... again... but again we stayed together. We are working on fixing our problems (such as I will try to stop being mean so much and he will start listening to me better). There is one issue which cannot be solved at present. Ask if you want to know that one, it's a little too personal to post up here. Right now, we are just trying to get past it, but we'll see how it goes. Another strange thing is that now The Boyfriend is trying to "figure out what he wants" but he doesn't know how to go about doing so. He refuses to actually break up with me straight up, so I guess the option of trying to figure out what he wants through seeing other people is out. Works for me, I guess? I don't know.

I mean...Hmm...

I love him. I love him so much it's crazy. I put up with a lot of crap for him and from him. But sometimes I just take him for granted and treat him not so well... And what's worse is that I realize it EVERY SINGLE TIME and yet it's like word vomit... I just can't stop myself in time. So I'm working on it. I tend to forget that The Boyfriend is somewhat moody/sensitive, so I can't really say certain things to him that I could (jokingly, of course) say to other people. However he has no qualms with teasing me. >_< No fair! But I told him that I hate being teased, especially since, as the youngest sibling, I've had to deal with it for many many years. Hopefully he and I will both get better about that.

I hope that my being really open and vulnerable here is not too weird. I'm just trying to be honest and say what I want. I mean, that's why my facebook doesn't link to my blog. That's what I don't really tell people I know in-person about it (Maggie/Kailyn, you are special exceptions!). I like the fact that I can say nearly anything I want to (and even hold back the things I don't want to say without caring whether or not it annoys people). This blog is a very nice place for me to situate my brain every once in a while.

So hum... What else what else... I don't know. Leave me a comment and maybe I will make up a post about it for next time.

♥

Really sorry for the lack of updates lately. School and friends and life in general have just taken up all my time, and what they have not taken away goes to sleep. Bleh.

The Boyfriend's homecoming was fun. It was, as some would put it, "a total grindfest," however as I do not mind grinding, it was pretty fun. I especially loved the fact that "Don't Stop Believing" came on and EVERYONE started singing. :) Faaaantastic.

My homecoming week has been great. It's wonderful to be a senior. :) I've been feeling quite nostalgic, though, too... Remembering homecomings past has been amazing and yet really sad, too. This week was a lot of fun with dress days. They were:
Monday: Class color day (seniors wore purple!)
Tuesday: Backwards/Clash/Inside-out day (with a backwards class schedule!)
Wednesday: Western Day (yeehaw!)
Thursday: Masquerade Day (remember my prom dress? that + a mask = my outfit)
Friday: School spirit day (Maroon and white Snuggie, ya?)

We had yelling contests and craziness all over the place. Today, there was a 1/2day for classes, then a pep rally (which was sorta lame but I'm too blehhh right now to complain). My friends and I ended up chilling at this farm place near my house, then going back to my house b/c it was raining. We then proceeded to go to Starbucks, and then the Dollar Store (everything costs $1, go figure), and then back to school. We saw all the floats (ours was awful, but whatevs), and then decided to go inside. It was cold, raining, and just icky all-around. While the soccer games went on, my friends and I chilled in the senior lounge, then went to Steak&Shake where we ate deliciousness. We went back to school, hung out indoors again for a reeeeally long time, and finally went outside for like the last 2 minutes of the varsity soccer game. We tied and then it was fireworks time. The fireworks, as usual, were incredible. :) My friend and I ended up sobbing with each other for a minute, thinking about how it was our last homecoming and such... it was so sad... But still, a nice night.

The Boyfriend walked me to my car, we said goodnight, then he went to his car and we both drove home. Obviously, I arrived at home, since I'm writing this. :)

Hopefully that brings you up to date on my life. :D

♥

p.s. My school's very first ever dance is tomorrow! It's a square dance, yay!

Geez, I haven't posted in a while (like a week!). Sorry about that.

How do you keep from killing your friends? Ha... That sounds very weird. I promise, I'm not actually homicidal... I'm just very very annoyed at two of my guy friends right now.

One of them is acting very stupid and I guess like he knows everything... I don't know how to explain it other than that.

The other... well I guess he was stupid a long time ago and I suppose is still not entirely over it? Which just annoys me because OK I ADMIT THAT I'M NOT ENTIRELY OVER IT EITHER. (You'd have to know what I'm talking about to fully understand this... but I don't want to post the whole story here.)

Bah.

In other news, I spun out/hydroplaned in the truck today! Wooo.... Scariest moment of my life, basically. It was awful. The end.

Sorry, not feeling terribly descriptive atm. Hum. IM me? PellucidRatafia.

♥

Woooo, I have no school today!

I got my Nintendo DS! It's red and IT MATCHES MY PHONE! :D I only have Scribblenauts right now, but that is fine because it is funfunfun. Also, I think I can play Gameboy Advanced games on it? Or Gameboy... or somewhere in the middle... I don't know, need to investigate.

I was at my friend Maggie's last night for a sleepover. We went to Starbucks with our friends Lauryn and Bryan, and their friend John (Jon?), who Lauryn wanted to set up with Maggie. Woo. Anyway, we got back, went to Blockbuster, picked out this movie called Session 9 (Allan, I know you blogged about this one before), which I really didn't want to see but everyone else did, and then went back to Maggie's house.

Well we watched the movie and ate pizza. Then just generally hung out, boys left, yadda yadda. Lauryn was very awake, I suppose, so she kept talking and reading a magazine and the TV was on a music channel but it was a bit too loud, so I couldn't sleep. Once she decided to go to sleep, the lights and TV were turned off. Fairly average. I closed my eyes, snuggled up with my kitty (stuffed animal from none other than The Boyfriend) and tried to sleep. Well... I'm not sure whether or not I got any sleep... I know the lights were on until at least like 12:30, and I remember being awake for a while... so perhaps not. Anyway, one of Maggie's cats (a real one) jumped up on the couch with me and snuggled up. Still, I could not sleep, and I began to be scared.

I get sort of paranoid at night... it's really awful. I don't know if it was the movie, or the fact that we were in the basement, or just because I'm always kinda freaked out when the lights go out and I've got nothing to see/listen to, but my level of fear just kept rising. It got to be 1:30am, and I was crying and having a hard time breathing. I guess that is something along the lines of a panic attack, right? So I tried to calm down, but the freaking out and the shaking got worse, so I just woke Maggie up, told her I was going home, gathered my stuff and left.

My mom was very confused when I got home, but didn't ask me anything after I said "a panic attack or something." I went to my room, and ended up finally falling asleep at like 3am.

UGH. I only remember this happening one other time in my life, and I don't recall why, but I remember it was for an actual reason. Last night was just weird and stupid.

Blah this entry is too long! So sorry! But yeah, that is my story. Peace!

♥

KAIROS WAS AWESOME! :D

To anyone who doesn't go to my school (so that's basically everyone but Maggie & Kailyn), Kairos is basically the group of international students who are attending my school (most of whom live with host families), along with a few American students. The whole idea is just to chillax together, to make friends, talk about life, worship God a little, and so on. Tonight was my first time going, and I have to say, I loved it. It was a little awkward at first, because I didn't really know anyone aside from a couple of the other American students, but it was fairly easy to just sit down and chat with people in a group, so that was nice. I'm definitely excited to see where this thing goes throughout the year. Hmm... if you were wondering, we have students from:

China
Korea
Peru
Cuba
Zambia

aaaand maybe some more that I am forgetting... I think there are 16 or 18 international students, so it's a pretty big group, but it still was easy to get along and have a good time with everyone. Yay! :D

In other news, I got my debit card in the mail today! Huzzah! I am excited to use it on something (i.e. a DS, haha) and also to take it to France with me, which is what its original purpose was. I still have yet to memorize my pin code, teeheehee. I'll do it soon.

I guess that's all I've got for now. Peace out, homies.

♥

Ugh ugh ugh.

I hate it when my feet are too hot and I'm crying and my ribs are squished, especially when they are happening all at the same time.

-_-

On the other hand, I made a good choice tonight, and I will see how it goes. Going to test it out for a month and then reevaluate my decision afterward. (The Boyfriend and I are still together, fyi. The decision was nothing along the lines of breaking up or anything near that... just if you were wondering.) So we shall see.

I should, in theory, be getting my debit card in the mail within the next 3 days! Huzzah! I am mostly excited because then I won't have to carry around cash with me anymore, so I won't try to spend it all at once (again, in theory). I realllllly wanna get a Nintendo DS (or DSi or Lite or WHATEVER, as long as it's cheap), so I'm working on saving the smallish amount of money I have for that. Wheeee! :D

I watched this movie in my Doctrine & Apologetics class called "Lord, Save Us From Your Followers." We've actually been watching it bit by bit in class over the last week or so. I have to say, it was really good. The whole point was basically this guy walking around talking to people about Christians (sort of about Christianity, but more about the people who claim to be a part of it). What he found out (not so surprising), is that most people don't have a problem with the faith. They just have a problem with the followers. A lot of the time, Christians come off as judgmental, hypocritical, narrow-minded and so on. I've seen a fair share of this myself, and I'm sure at some points I've been guilty, too. But anyway, it was really cool, because he walked around and he just talked to people as though they were old friends, just loving them and being really cool. Most of all, he was LISTENING to what they were saying, instead of walking around preaching at everyone. Honestly, I really wish EVERYONE would listen a little more to each other. If we all loved each other a little more, and I mean loving by listening, reaching out in friendship, or even just going with the old standby of "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all," I think the world would be just a little bit better. No, it'll never be perfect, but who says we can't try to cheer things up anyway, right? So yeah, if you're interested, you should definitely get your hands on a copy of that movie... It's pretty interesting (and fairly entertaining), and I think even to people of other religions (or lack thereof), it'll be a decent watch. (If you do see/have seen it, tell me about it?) ♥

I'm getting tired and I have a little homework to do, so I'll catch you all later. Peace!

♥

I seriously think I've lost my mind. -_- Ask if you want the deets... I don't even want to post them on here. Gaaahhhhhhhhh.

In other news... I have a stomach ache. Too much pop. Yuck. (That's "soda," to some of you.)

I went to my friend Rich's house today. I got lost on the way there. O.O I've never been lost in my life, at least when I've been driving. I have an excellent sense of direction... just not when there's STUPID CONSTRUCTION involved and mapquest doesn't warn me. Rassin' frassin' friggum fraggum...

Buuuuuut it was super fun. We watched (the original versions of) Halloween and Nightmare on Elm Street. Did you know they were both based in Illinois? Nightmare is based on Elm St. in WHEATON! YAY! Wes Craven went to Wheaton College, I guess... but I think he got kicked out? I'd have to go look him up to confirm that, but I won't right now because I JUST DON'T FEEL LIKE IT. I have to say, the ending to Nightmare was... strange... I mean the whole movie was weird, but the ending... it's just one of those WTF moments, seriously. You should go check it out. >_<

Ummm.... nothing more to post, I suppose. Peace out.

♥

p.s. Don't forget to keep clicking on those things over there -->

Thoughts...

I remember where I was that day. I remember not knowing what was going on.

They shouldn't be showing that on TV.

How could that really happen?




Feeling strange.

I found out that Imogen Heap released another album. It's called Ellipse. I hope it's amazing. I'll tell you what I think when I listen to it all the way through? Right now I am about 30 seconds into the first song, haha.

♥

p.s. I really love her a lot, hence why I want this album to be amazing.

p.p.s. Don't forget to keep clicking around on those things I posted on the right! :) It seems like such a small thing to do for such huge causes, right? Pretty exciting.

p.p.p.s. You should also check out freerice.com. I haven't played on it for a while, but I'm going to this afternoon. It's AWESOME and it gives... well, free rice, to people. Plus, it helps make you smarter. Double bonus points! SO GO CHECK IT OUT! :D

So I just found an old blog of my friend's (it's from our Freshman year), and there are only 3 entries, and I read them all... I wonder if I should tell her... Teeheehee, they were so funny! She sounded... like a freshman! :D

In other news... I don't think I have other news, actually.

♥

Hooooly cow, these last few days have been SO strange.

To sum it up? How could I even...?

Lots of tickling happened... LOTS of tickling.

My friend and her (ex) boyfriend broke up. Seeing her sad is really strange... she's such a happy person. I hope she's okay. =/ I love that girl. We might go visit her at her house this evening, if she is up for it. Her mom never texted me back about it... so I guess I shall just text her. No surprise, I suppose.

I just (like literally minutes ago) found an oldish friend on facebook. I didn't know if it was her at first, because when I knew her, she had dark brown hair, and her pictures show her to be blondish... but I'm pretty sure it is. If not... I guess I could just delete her, but I'm 99.9% sure it's her. So yay! Facebook can be quite exciting sometimes.

My (dad's) truck has a CD player! (I discovered this a few days ago!) It doesn't play burned CDs though. *cries* Oh well.

In theory, I'm going to hang out with The Boyfriend tomorrow. Yay! I love seeing him. :)

I'M GOING TO BUY A NINTENDO DS! (Or DS lite). Used, but still. Yay! I'm really excited because I've never bought anything this expensive with my own money before, and also because I really want a DS 'cause all the games look super fun. :) Yay yay yay! So hopefully sometime this week, I'll be able to do that. I'm still waiting on the checks from my mom/grandpa for various thingums. Yay, sort-of income!

I'm still waiting for jobs to call/email me or whatever, even if it's to tell me they've rejected me. No one has been very timely except for Target. Sad. Eventually, I will get a job!

I think that's it?

♥

EDIT: Apparently it's Blogger's 10th birthday! Wow. So they are using this SocialVibe thing to celebrate. Basically, if you (the reader) click on the SocialVibe box (there are two on the right side of this page - one for To Write Love On Her Arms and another for Invisible Children), and do whatever thing it asks (some kind of weird game thing?), it will donate money to whichever cause. So please, play with the gadgets, and add your own to your pages! :D

EDIT #2: When I Google the name "Norah," the three things I always find are Norah Jones, Nick & Norah's Ultimate Playlist, and (here's the strange one), a whole lot of babies/toddlers. I guess Norah is getting to be more popular of a name for little girls. Hum. I'm not really sure I like that... but yeah, just thought I'd point it out.

Is it sad that I really wish there was such thing as a cooking mmorpg?

-_- I'm such a nerdddd.

Strange day.

Schoolgirl outfits: 1
Trips to the mall: 1
Failed attempts at getting job applications because of age: 1
Tops bought without trying on first: 1
Lemonades: 1
Mel Brooks movies: 1
House episodes: 1
Amputations heard of: 1



Snuggles: Too many to count.

Yaaaaay, late start today! I'm about to brush my teefs and then I'm off to Starbucks and then school. :)

In other news, I have a cold, and yesterday The Boyfriend came over and he was like "aww you're sick I should tuck you in and make you go to sleep" blah blah blah. Maybe next time, honeybuns. x]

I just bought a tractor on Farmville! (You know what I'm talking about.) So basically I didn't have enough money to plant a whole lot so now I'm screwed until next harvest. Yaaaaay. Haha. :D

Nothing really all that interesting to talk about, apparently. Did you hear that The Duggers (is that how it's spelled?) are having yet another child? Wow. I have to say, as weird as I think it is, I kind of admire the fact that the mom has had something like 18 children and is willing to keep on going. And on top of that, they seem like they're all really nice and have good manners and everything. You have my vote, Dugger family.

NO MORE POP CULTURE REFERENCES! BYE!

♥

My mom and I are making school-colored (maroon & white) Snuggies for me and all of my friends for homecoming week. Needless to say, I am freaking excited. After assembling, we're going to have a Snuggie decorating party, so everyone can personalize their own with ribbons, letters, beads, or whatever else they want. I don't know if I've ever been so excited for fleece in my entire life. :)

On another note, I spent hours (what a loser, oh well) today reading My Life Is Average. I highly recommend reading it. It made me smile. I also recommend My Life Is Great (or good... the website says "MyLifeIsG" so I can't be too sure), if you really want to read some sweet, heartwarming stories. MLIA is more funny, but fairly everyday stories, whereas MLIG is uplifting. I think they're both from the makers of FMyLife (FML), since the formatting and everything is the same... So yeah, there you go, three fun websites to check out.

I need to do some English homework at some point tonight. Not much, just a bit of reading. Wheeeee.

I guess I'm done blogging for now.

♥

HAY IF ANYONE THAT READS THIS KNOWS/IS LEARNING FRENCH...

You should check out my French blog. I'm using it mostly so that I can practice from home, but I'd like to have a little bit more readership... It'd be nice to be able to read comments (in French, of course) and respond to them (also in French), to get a little practice with two-way writing, as opposed to just me posting whatever comes to mind (and also whatever I can... kind of... say... without too much assistance from wordreference.com or babelfish...).

Mhmm mhmm mhmm so there you have it. :)

School, school, school... what is there to say? I go to class, I talk to friends, I eat, I (try to) learn. The end.










Just kidding. :D THERE IS SO MUCH MORE TO IT! I'm a senior, for goodness sake! To begin, let it be known that my schedule is simply AMAZING. French, Graphic Design, Econ, Lunch, Creative Writing, Gov, Drawing, Doctrine&Apologetics. Whee! My teachers are made of win, to put it in internet terms. I already have had many of them for previous courses, which is nice because I tend to leave teachers with a good impression of myself, so to start off with one is wonderful. I'm not trying to sound weird or whatever, but my French teacher seriously loves me. And I love her, and her class, and the language that she teachers... so overall this is a wonderful way to start off my day. I'm excited for all of my classes... well... ok I'm excited to have all my teachers, although I could do without the subject matter for a few (I'll let you guess, teehee). I found out that my Drawing teacher actually graduated in the same class as my sister, so my teacher knew who my sister was when I mentioned her. I thought that was pretty cool.

MAN, THERE IS TOO MUCH TO SAY I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO WRITE AND WHAT TO LEAVE OUT. I will just say that if you would like to know about my first day, or my school, or classes, or if you want a little high-school advice (not to say I'm a wellspring, but I know a few things after being here for 3 years), or whatever, just leave me a comment on this post, mmmmkay? :)

I am constantly realizing how incredibly lucky I am to be where I am. Even in these past 2 days, I've just been trying to look around and see the wonders of my own little corner of the world. It's a pretty amazing place, this earth. I can't wait to see some more of it.

♥

edit: p.s. please excuse me if this post sounds at all strange/crazy. I'm feeling a little dizzy right now and I'm kinda sleepy from school so... yeah... my mind is just a tad bit off right now.

I'm freaking out.

Where did Pictures For Sad Children go?!?! :(

In other news, school starts tomorrow.

I'm running on 45 minutes of sleep and 1 large (ish) cup of coffee from Dunkin' Donuts. Mmmmm, coffee.

What is there to say? I went to the campout with my friends. We set up tents among the other tents full of other seniors. We ate snacks and danced to loud music. We partied and drank lots of pop (soda, for all of you not from the midwest... does any other region call it "pop?"). We even played a HUGE game of Sardines, which my group actually "won" because we found the hiders first! Heehee. Anywho... Originally, we had set up two tents, one for boys and one for girls in our group. Well, our whole group wanted to hang out, and were tired of dancing, so we all piled into one tent at around 1am. Four people of our seven person group decided to go to steak&shake, so three of us were left to chill until around 3am, when I guess it closed and the rest of our crew returned to us.

We bonded a lot. Pretty much, we told stories and talked. At one point, we started singing "Lean On Me," which prompted another tent to join in the singing, and yet another tent to yell (halfheartedly) "shut up!" We sang a bit more, then saw some headlights. Minutes later, someone came around to the two loud tents (us and the other singers) that the cops had come to tell us to stop singing so loudly. We listened, however I don't believe that the cops actually came. I think it was just someone pulling up in the car and then them using that as an excuse to shut us up. It just wouldn't make sense for a police officer to be there at that moment, as we'd only been singing for like 5 minutes, and there aren't any stations near my school. They also would not have sat in the car, revving the engine at us... Plus, a smart officer would also most likely talk to more than 1 person, because honestly, how would they know the 1 person would talk to everyone else? Oh well, we still quieted down to be courteous to the quiet tents.

For a while, we all just snuggled in the tent, talking less and less as the minutes passed. By 4:30am, we decided to get a bit of sleep. At 5:15am, I rolled over and looked at my friend Kyle, who was as wide awake as I was. We went to go sit in my dad's truck and talk so that we didn't wake up the others. A little later, our friend Lauryn joined us. A little later than that, someone opened the doors to the school. We made a mad dash inside and picked our lockers (frantically, I might add, even though at that point there were only maybe 8 of us in there). Everyone sprinkled in eventually. We waited a couple hours inside the school, and finally it was time to officially write our names on papers that had our locker numbers on them for the office. We got our combinations, and that was that.

My friends and I cleaned up our area, made a run to Dunkin' Donuts, and then said our goodbyes (until Wednesday, which is day 1 of school!). I have to say, this night/morning really brought in the school year for me. I'm super excited to be a senior. I love the fact that I go to an amazing school where the administration actually trusts us enough to let us camp out there all night long with no supervision. They'd even called the cops ahead of time for us just so that they'd know we weren't trespassing on the campus. It was truly amazing. I'm blessed, to say the least.

I feel ready for just about anything at this point.

Did anyone else have any fun adventures this weekend?
♥

p.s. I just did a word count of this and realized that this blog post is as long as my history summer reading paper needs to be. Wow. 600 words (minimum).

Tonight, at 8pm, I will be arriving at my school.

I will be setting up a tent in the grass (unfortunately in the dark).

I will be sitting, laughing, hanging out with my friends.

I will then sleep (maybe).

After all that, I will be getting up sometime around 5am to make a dash inside the school.

I will be running down the hallway.

I will be picking out my locker, alongside my friends.

I will be making a (fantastic) memory to start off my last year in high school with a bang.





I couldn't be more excited.

SHINY!

Yaaay 150 posts! This is exciting. And so...

(credit)


(p.s. if the picture above is just a giant pink box that says "gallery.hd.org" just click on it and you'll see it... I dunno whats up.)

I went shopping today and got some really adorable things. Huzzah! (I went, as usual, with my dad, 'cause he is the best person in the world to shop with. Seriously.)

After that, I baked a cake! (There's a reason behind this, but I do not wish to disclose it here. Why? Because I just like to be silly sometimes.) Then The Boyfriend came over and received said cake. Then we drove over to his friend's house to party. Then I went home. The end.

♥

(Life wasn't very interesting to write about today, apparently, but it was a very good day.)

p.s. (Added a whole day later)... BE ON THE LOOKOUT! My next post will be #150! Oooh, shiny...

In other news...

There are two people I really want to talk to right now. One of them reads this blog (at least sometimes). The other does not (or has not made it known to me).

You win a cookie if you guess who they are. (You won't know if you get them right, but all I said was "guess," right?)

I feel weird and stir crazy and (almost) sad and bored and anxious and everything. I'm jonesin' for a hug.

At about 3am, I realized that all breakups are different from each other. It hit me like a train: not all breakups are caused by fights or people not caring about each other anymore. Not all breakups are caused by mistakes made. Sometimes, breakups happen when two people really love each other, but are just at an awkward or transitional point in life. It doesn't mean that they can't get back together later, either. On occasion, breakups simply mean that the two involved parties need some time apart to reevaluate themselves and what drives them to stay in or get out of a relationship.

That being said, I almost went through one such breakup last night. In fact, I think for about 5 minutes of my conversation with The Boyfriend, I was single, but that was not to last. The reason I'm willing to post about this is because it's my private blog and I use it to exhale any words that can't be said out loud to most of the people I'm close to. Back to the point... We ended up talking for nearly 3 hours, trying to decide if we should stay together and try to fix the weird little things that have been eating away at us both, take a break (the details of said break would be discussed if that was the option we were to choose), or just be friends (potentially with the option of getting back together later on). Each option was seriously considered. Option #3 almost won out, but we decided not to give up without at least trying, first.

The way I saw it, why throw in the towel when, underneath the awkwardness and occasional frustrations, we had something really fantastic? We met by what he believes to be coincidence, and I believe to be an act of God (the reason behind the act is still beyond me). We get along incredibly well, and we've basically been best friends since we first met. We've never fought (not a real fight, anyway). We have our problems, yes, but so does every couple. If, after a while, we can't seem to resolve a bit of the tension that's been looming over our relationship, then we decided to talk about it again and figure out what to do, and if that means breaking up, then that's what we'll do. Right now, though, we are both just going to try to love the heck out of each other.

Sorry, by the way, for being vague about our "problems." For one, they are difficult to explain, and I also don't feel entirely comfortable posting about them because I'm afraid I'll make everything sound like The Boyfriend's fault, when we're both imperfect people who don't always know the right thing to do in certain situations. Also, sorry if I'm all rambly and don't make sense.

I guess... wish us luck/send us prayers/whatever else people do so that we can figure out how to work on things. It's not like we have huge problems that are impossible to overcome, so hopefully it will all work out for the best. We're still absolutely nuts about each other, and can't imagine life apart (meaning even if we do break up, we'll still be best friends... after a while).

I don't say this enough... or have I ever, even? Anyway, thanks for reading. ♥

(500) Days of Summer was a really good movie, in my opinion. I actually didn't predict too much of the plot (there was one major plot point I saw coming from a mile away, but only because of some foreshadowing at the beginning). I won't tell you any details, because you just have to see the movie for yourself if you want to know about it. (Or go look it up, I don't care, but you won't get anything from me!)

I have to admit, part of me wanted to see the movie just because the main stars are very attractive people. I find Zooey Deschanel incredibly beautiful, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt to have this kind of shy handsomeness that is so rare (at least, in my world). I also liked how it looked like an "indie" flick. I wanted to feel cool watching it. I guess my intentions in seeing it were not great, but I'm glad I saw it, either way.

It's the same as when I wanted to see Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist. The ONLY reason I wanted to see it was because, and I'm not kidding here, my name was in the title. I'm glad that I watched it, because I really like it now, but I wanted to see it for a stupid reason.

I guess it doesn't really matter why we want to watch movies. It just matters what we think of them after we've seen them. I can't remember the first time I watched my top two favorite movies (most favorite being The Princess Bride, and second favorite being Waking Ned Devine), but I'm glad I saw them. They are excellent examples of great cinematic endeavors. (Speaking of which, William Goldman, author of The Princess Bride, had his birthday a couple days ago. Not sure if I mentioned that in an earlier blog post.)

So how do you choose what movies to watch? Do you remember why you wanted to watch your favorites for the very first time?

♥

Speaking of "modern fashion," go look at my "artsy" blog. I posted a new thing and I'm pondering whether or not to add more to it.

I'm going to Six Flags tomorrow! Yay! With the Best Friend, no less. It should be a blast.

I think I will play some Sims 3 now... yes.

♥

Modern Fashion

Horrible stuff. I want to rip my eyes out. D:

My best sisterfriend came up from Georgia this week. She's leaving tomorrow morning. I miss her already.

:(

!!!

I STOOD AT THE TOP OF THE SEARS TOWER!!!!!!! (That's right, it's SEARS, not "Willis.")


Here are some pictures! :D

Doesn't that look like a speckled rooftop? Or some gravel? It's actually the crowd at LollaPalooza!

From so high up, the buildings just look liked little models, or toys even.

Me trying to be "artsy."

Yep, in this picture I'm standing in a glass box, 103 stories in the air.

I sat in the box, too.

Chicago 2016!! Yeah, baby! Check out all those flags.

It will always be the SEARS Tower.

Look up toward the top of the building... see something that looks like...

little glass boxes? Those speckles are PEOPLE! And I WAS ONE OF THEM! (Not in this picture, but you get the idea.)

So there was my exciting adventure for the weekend/summer. Yaaay!

:)

Answer: YOU PUT A LITTLE BOOGIE IN IT! :D

It makes me laugh every time.

Girls night was lots of fun. We pigged out, talked about random stuff, watched awful/strange/nostalgia-inducing movies, pigged out some more, and slept. We actually never ended up doing nails or baking. Oh well. It was fun. :)

My sister is home! I haven't seen her yet, but I'm going to Chicago with her tomorrow! Yaaay!

I guess there's nothing else I have to say. Toodles!

♥

MAGGIE, IF YOU READ THIS, YOU NEED TO UPDATE YOUR BLOG! It occurs to me that it has been too long since you've done so.

So... I don't really know how to explain this, but I'll give it a shot. I've had a weird couple of weeks. I've been... kind of freaking out. It hit me that this is my last summer as a high-schooler... And even though it's been an amazing one, it hasn't really taken my mind off the fact that after this year, I'll know where I'll be going... and it won't be anywhere near where I am now. I'm really excited to go to college, but I'm also really scared. I'm scared that I won't succeed, that I won't find friends, whatever. More than that, I'm scared of losing my friends (or just being away from them for too long), and I'm scared of losing The Boyfriend. I know, it seems stupid to be freaking out about him, being so young and all that, but he's been a stable fixture in my life for over a year now, and by the time I graduate, it'll be over 2 years (assuming we don't break up before then). Last night, I was over at his house and he was talking about going to his friend's house, and I just freaked. I was like "oh but we were supposed to have another hour together" (yes, in retrospect, I sounded like a moron). And then I started thinking about college and moving out and ended up crying on his shoulder for 10 minutes, not letting him look at me. The problem was that this was in combination with the night before, when I had a major self-esteem meltdown. I don't worry about my looks ever. In fact, I'm a rarity apparently, in that I think I'm beautiful. What I was freaking out about was that I'm not smart enough, I don't know enough about music, or pop culture, and so on. Dumb, but whatever. So yesterday was just a weird combination of freakouts. I feel a lot better this morning, but still... I can't shake this feeling of fear.

Buh, sorry about that. I tend to ramble.

I've been playing Sims 3 a lot this week. I've made 3 new families... yikes. I need to chill out on that, I think.

HERE IS A JOKE! How do you make a tissue dance? (Answer in the comments, I'll post the actual answer later.)

That's all, I guess? OH HAY YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO BLUE OCTOBER, I AM RECENTLY IN LOVE WITH THEM AGAIN. :)

♥